We made it.

Well, Christmas is over. Another Christmas has come and gone. I am always excited up until the day and then I am glad for the end. Then I start the New Years Eve Countdown.

New Years Eve used to be my favorite holiday. I always loved it. Now, it is just another day. There is no fun preparing. There is nothing really cool about it, except that it is a relief when it is over and it is time to move on. Sad?

So, now Christmas is over, and New Years is coming.

We have no schedule, except to stay up as late as we want, and sleep as late as we want.

Some days, I don't even brush my hair. I stay in pajamas. It is nice.
BUT
I think I am ready for school to go back.

What happens when moms can't sleep...

Christmas Eve Eve!

Hooray! It is almost Christmas! I said this yesterday, and Dave's response was, " Why? Because it is almost over?" No, you silly Grinch. It is gonna be so much fun!

I was thinking about how this Christmas is different than last years.... well, besides the obvious.

No pressure of school for me. That is a biggie.
We just finished unpacking things yesterday. We have been here almost two years. :)

The little kids are excited... How is Santa gonna get in the house? Where will he put the presents?

The girls are excited... What are our traditions? Will I let them eat the Christmas cookies? Gifts?

Eli - is just Eli.

Watching the girls is like watching the little kids, but I hate to think it - better. OK, maybe not so much better... just different. They are excited. Even Michelle is showing excitement. Annie is running in circles, waiting to open the presents, excited... she is sending us Facebook messages, hugging us. They are questioning us about what we do, how we do things... it is like setting a new pattern to get rid of the bad memories.

So - tomorrow we are going to make gingerbread houses.
Then, we are baking cookies for Santa.
And then we are off to Grandma's.

Christmas Time!

Once again, I have sat down to update... I see my last post was on December 6. :(

OK, here is a rundown.

Snow.

Snow.

Finished School. Missed my last practicum days.

Kids missed the last week of school because of..... snow.

Now they are out on Christmas break.

I have stayed in my pj's so much that I forget what day it is. I am loosing track of time. Days are running together. Some days, Dave goes to work and I am reading a book on the couch. When he comes home, I have done nothing more than brush my teeth and read another book, took a nap and watched a movie. Because I did four semesters of school this year, I am tired and enjoying my laziness. What gets me is this - my house was much cleaner when I was working and going to school! Crazy, I know. I just don't wanna clean. And it is just going to get dirty again.

Tomorrow, we will do a good cleaning. That should make everyone happy. :)

Yesterday, Grandma and Granddad took the big kids to Nashville to spend the night at Opryland. That left me and Dave at home alone with just Emma and Tripp. So, last night, we went on a whirlwind tour... we drove to Chuckles in Crossville, played games, went to eat and then drove back to Cookeville and saw Yogi Bear in 3D. We had a blast!

Today, we get to deliver toys for the Jaycees to underprivileged children. Well, this is my favorite part of Christmas.

The big kids will be home later tonight - Grandma is taking the girls to see the Rockettes and Granddad is taking the boys to see the Titans play.

We have major progress with the new addition to our house. One day last week (see, I don't remember the day!) I came outside and we had windows and doors on the new room. So I went and bought some light fixtures for the walls and for the outside. I had no idea how dramatic buying light fixtures is - colors that match (bronze, aged bronze, tan bronze, silver, copper...) glass that matches.... I was in Lowe's for over an hour and it was my third trip to check things out. I also have become fixated on a couch and love seat that I can't afford. :/ When you build a new room, you need furniture. This week, I told someone that Dave and I will be sitting out in "our" room in lawn chairs with our feet on boxes. That is OK, though, because no kids allowed! Ha!

The Downhill Slide.

Yes... another school story. Yet again.

So, this semester was 17 hours. Six Classes.
Seven weeks in kindergarten.

As of now, I have three classes completely finished.

Today, my professor Jane is coming to evaluate my teaching at 11 a.m.
How will it go? In my head, great! But, I have twenty kindergarten students that make that change just.like.that.

For example, the other day, during a phonics lesson, one little girl raised her hand and said, "Mrs. Sadlerrrr.... When I have to go to the bathroom, I pee a lot."

So, this should be interesting because a visitor combined with a two hour school delay ON A MONDAY will set them off... :?

Let's see... I finish classes on Thursday and have one final next Tuesday. Let the countdown begin!

Facts of Five.

Last night, Michelle and I were talking about the "right" number of kids.
What exactly is the "right" number?
Do we ever, as young married people, anticipate what our number of children will end up?

When I began to date Dave, I surely never said, "WOW! I want five kids!" But now, I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes, God has plans for us that we can't comprehend; ten years ago, if you would have told me that I would have five kids, I would have laughed hysterically and ran away. (I only had one child at the time :) )

Here are a few facts on what it is like to have five children - things I never thought of before....

• Five sets of school forms to fill out.
• Five report cards to view and sign.
• Five parent teacher conferences to attend... at the same time! This takes several hours.
• Five people with Christmas wishes!
• Five sets of gifts to wrap - I usually wait until the day before, but it is just not possible. So I started shopping early, wrapping early. I am even anticipating the amount of paper in the living room floor on Christmas morning :)

Household facts:

• We use three rolls of toilet paper PER DAY.
• We use FOUR tubes of toothpaste per month.
• We use a 96 load bottle of laundry detergent every two weeks.
• We use 3 bottles of fabric softener per month.
• Two gallons of milk per week. (If they are in school!) This goes with the six boxes of cereal. Also... two gallons of OJ, two pounds of bread, two pounds of sandwich meat... it goes on and on...
• I now buy in bulk.
• The girls start getting ready for school at 5 a.m. Thankfully, the girls ride the bus, most of the time. If they miss, or are late, we have three stops at three different schools by 7:30. Eli almost never rides the bus, so I always have two stops. What is one more?
• Dave and I have to figure out where five kids are after school and who is getting home and how. Since he drives the bus, and I have class until 4:30 (most days), Emma and Tripp go to afterschool, Annie stays at afterschool and Eli and Michelle do different things everyday.
• If someone gets sick, the system is crazy.
• That is where Dave steps in and saves me.

Happy Birthday Super Dave.

I have to say a special Happy Birthday to Dave... today, he is 37 years old.

That is just three away from 40. We have some celebrating to do tonight. :) Woot!

Dave, father of my children, you rock! You are an awesome Daddy, Husband and BFF.

Thanks for putting up with my craziness, my whining, and picking up after me.

Thanks for helping me and encouraging me to get through school.

You are so good.

Ily.

Turkey Time.

Ah, so much going on- as always!

Today is the first day of our five day break. No school. No work for Dave (for two days!). Nothing but family. I was thinking the other day about last Christmas... we played Rock Band for a few days straight. Even the little kids stayed up till 1 or 2 a.m. We had such a good time just having family time. With school, work and all the other stuff, uninterrupted family time is few and far between. I am looking forward to it!

I don't really have any plans for today. My guess would be that we should all chip in and spend about an hour cleaning the house. We need to finish cleaning the porch because the builder guy will be here on Friday to put the walls up to the new room. I need to figure out what to call it... a sunroom? family room?

I stopped by Lowes last night to look at light fixtures and flooring. There is so much to choose from.

So... tomorrow - turkey. Friday - 3 a.m. shopping with my sister in law Shana! Woot!

(where is my sister?)

Shopping till we dropped.

Today, I took the girls out for a Christmas shopping day. We went to Santa's Workshop, lunch, JCPenney's, The Children's Place, Old Navy... the list goes on and on. Boy, the girls love to shop. We had a great time.

I was looking for picture outfits. I have decided to become brave and have all five kids' pictures made. Whew! Why would I ever complain about three? It is so hard to match them up. We have a joke that by this Christmas, I would have all three girls in matching smocked dresses and the boys in the matching sweater vests. Aunt Jamie would have to do an intervention. I was excited last weekend when I found Christmas tops with little bells - and they had various sizes to fit all the girls! I got so, so excited! And I called Annie over and showed them to her. She, being the funny girl that she is, said, "Aunt Jamie? Where are you?"

Point was taken. I put them down.

No matching smocked dresses. ;(

So anyways, we are doing all different colors - Hot Pink for Emma, Bright Orange for Michelle, Teal Blue for Annie. I don't know about Eli and Tripp yet. We are also doing scarves and hats.

It should be fun!

Thanksgiving week.

Well, this coming week is Thanksgiving. I am thankful that it is a short week... only two days of school. I am excited about a little homework break.

Today, Dave took all five kids for the entire day so I could study. I got SO MUCH stuff done. Lesson plans, tests, papers, a start on my thematic unit... ah, it feels good. Maybe, just maybe, I will squeeze by with no homework tomorrow. Wouldn't that be something?

I have scheduled all five kids to have pictures made for next Saturday. We are about a month later than usual. I should have them back in a week... in time to order Christmas cards. I hope. I had just about decided not to send out Christmas cards this year (the expense!) but when I made that suggestion, Dave squished up his nose at me. :)

I have all of the Christmas ornaments in the boxes sitting here. I just don't know where to put the tree up at. We are having a room added on and the construction started last week. Sometime, I need to find paint, light fixtures and flooring. I know that by next weekend, weather permitting, it will be a disaster here. Oh, I also need to find more furniture. Maybe we will just sit in lawn chairs.

I guess that my tomorrow will be pretty busy. Tripp has a fever of 101. I hope he is not coming down with strep again.

Little Bits.

Things I have recently learned :

• When teenagers are mad at you, they won't come downstairs to watch T.V. with you. That means you get to choose your own shows and keep total control of the remote. They stay in their rooms. Horray!
• They also won't ask you for money or to take them anywhere. So it is a money saving week! A win-win for all!
• When your fourteen year old son calls his teacher gay, he gets detention. If you laugh when he tells you the story, there is no punishment for detention.
• When your fourteen year old son has entered high school and still doesn't have to study and doesn't even carry a backpack, but still has straight A's, there may be some modifications needed in his education.
• When your fourteen year old son studies in detention, it is OK to get excited everytime he gets detention. Maybe he will make perfect 100's and get a scholarship in three years and you won't even have to pay for college. See, detention could be a good thing.
• In fifteen months, my fourteen year old son will be eligible for a drivers license.
• The sounds at the drive thru at DQ can be heard throughout the entire restaurant. So when you go thru the drive thru at 8 p.m. at night for blizzards, and you have a five year old that hasn't napped and is whining and pitching a fit so bad that you loose it and scream at him to be quiet, the people in the DQ will look at you ugly when you get to the window to get the blizzards.
• When you agree to do community service for a speeding ticket, and you don't have time to do it, it is OK to secretly hope to get pulled over and get arrested so that you can have a mini-vacay and a nap with a warm, clean blanket and food delivered to you.
• When you do get pulled over with five fighting kids in the van, and the cops realize that your husband is on the city counsel, they will let you go. Even if you admit you were going 25 miles over the speed limit just to get home and get the kids outta the van so you can lock yourself in the bathroom for quiet time.
• It is sad when you have a few minutes of self pity and decide to call your mother - the same mother that is not very nice and doesn't really speak to you - and the conversation goes like this:

Her: Hello.

Me: Hey. What ya doing?

Her: Um, nothing. Why?

Me: Um, I just was wondering... I was calling to say Hi.

Her: Are you sure you have the right number?

Me: I don't think I do. (and I hung up)

November.

Well, it looks like another year has come and gone. It has been a busy year - probably the busiest of my life. I have been in school since January with only four days off. Yep, four. I have about four weeks to go in this semester then I get a four week vacation.

I can't wait.

We also have the addition of our new daughters in May. Annie is 14 and Michelle is 17. It has been a fairly smooth transition - now, with five kids, Dave and I run around like crazy. Our days are spent texting as to who is where, who needs to go where and who needs what. Five kids at three different schools - every day by 7:30. Laundry from Hell. But, it is awesome. The house is filled with lots of laughter, tears and emotion. We have good days, and bad days, and lazy days. The lazy days are the best.

Christmas is coming up. The kids are all excited. Tripp doesn't know what to ask for. Emma doesn't either - in fact, her Santa list is the same as last year - Eli wants an IPod, Michelle wants an IPod and car and a boyfriend :) and Annie wants a camera.

As always, I am stressed beyond stressed. I was awake at 3 a.m. going over lesson plans in my head. I was trying to memorize standards, and figure new goals and objectives. I hate, hate, hate the end of the semester. I am cranky. I am so cranky. But I bet if I look back at every blog post from the last two years, I am cranky at the end there, too.

Happy. Sad.

Wow. What a long, tiring week. There were lots of things that happened, so I want to give a daily rundown.

Last Sunday - I ran away from home. I went to study at Tech in the afternoon. There is a Mac Lab in Bartoo Hall in the basement that is open from four to nine p.m. When I got there, the student worker informed me that he was "happy" from the moment I walked in the door. He then showed me his PowerPoint presentation on "Gays In History". I asked this young, happy guy when he will graduate. He told me "twenty thirteen". He is doing a presentation for the "Happy" group on campus. So, I tried ignoring him. I got tired of his happiness. So I left.

Monday - I ran away from home. *fall break for the kids* I couldn't get anything done around here so I went to Tech like four hours early. And I studied. And I wasn't happy. This was the busiest week I have had this semester. Everything was due at once.

Tuesday - I had class. all day. I still wasn't happy. I was just tired.

When I got home, Dave called and told me that Jacob had passed away. The night was somber. I was sad. While I am the mother of two boys, and I sympathise with his mom, I was really thinking about his wife. Jacob was just thirty five. He and his wife had one young son. Jacob was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago. I spent all night thinking about what his wife and his family must be feeling. Then, I figured out that I take my husband for granted. While I have the opportunity to touch feet with Dave every night, I do not. Lots of times, I don't even speak. Five kids is kicking my butt. School is kicking my butt. I have put "us" on the back burner. And one day, it will all be gone.

Wednesday - I got up at the crack of night to drive to Knoxville to take my Praxis Content test. I thought I would be smarter than average and I -
a. booked it during the kids spring break so I wouldn't have to deal
b. book it in East TN where there is an hours time difference and I could make it back to my 2:30 p.m. class.

Well... that kinda backfired. I stayed up late the night before, stressed, and trying to study. Then, I figured out that when it said 8 a.m. for a test, it was 7 a.m. my time . That means I left at 5'ish. Boy, was I tired. But, I still got a trip to Target. And drive time by myself to think.

And I passed! Yeah! One Praxis test left - November 13th - PLT.

Thursday - another day of school. long. long. Funeral home visitation. and a sleepover for Emma and three friends. We had a good time -we made cupcakes, drinks, pizza bites, popcorn, crafts (we decorated bracelets and did colored sand bottles). Finally, everyone got to sleep at a little after 12. Then, at 2:30, one of the little girls came down. She had thrown up - everywhere. Hair, pillow, clothes - everywhere. So, Dave and I got up. He cleaned the mess while I bathed her. We made her a pallet in the floor in the living room. She threw up in the trashcan beside her. Finally, she went to sleep about 5 a.m.

Friday - Girls went home. Went to the funeral with Dave. I have to say, it was the most emotional service I have ever been to. It lasted close to two hours. People talked and told stories. I think I cried through the whole thing.

So, I guess that the week ended with me knowing that I need to work harder on my family. I get caught up in school. I get caught up in laundry. I need to focus. Because then it could all be gone.

Love.

Tonight, as I was studying, Tripper came up to me.
I asked him, "Hey Tripper, can you get your jammies on for me?"
He replied, "Hey Mom, you know what you can do for me?"
Scared, I answered with a, "Um, what?" He says, so sweetly, "You can give me a kiss."

So I picked him up and proceeded to kiss his face all over.

As I held him like a sweet little baby, I asked him the same question I seem to ask all the time:

"Tripper, how long are you going to be my bebe?"

He held up his still chubby little hand, with his thumb out and his pointer finger up, making a L shape. He said, "This long."

"How long is that, Tripp?" I asked.

"That is forever, Momma. Even when I am in college."

And that is Love.

Always so much to do.

We slept till 10:30 this morning.

Emma came downstairs and kept reminding us about church. Are we going to church? Where are we going to church at? I chose to opt out. I kept thinking more about the people, the dramatics, the code of dress... well, I think I need a break from the people.

Just not the message.

Then I wondered if God was going to judge me for a Sunday morning at home. He knows what is going on in our lives. I probably had much nicer, more Christian thoughts being here than in the building. I think of all the people in the world that are not offered "timed" church services. Are they all doomed? What is up with the specific time "in and out" of the building? What about the set, specific days? Dress? Type of Bible? Are we too specific?

So, anyways, today I am going to go grocery shopping, come home, do some housework, and get some homework done - hopefully. Two kids are in bed, sick, two are on the couch watching "Cars" and Emma and I are off for a girl date.

Catch Up.

So, with my first week of being unemployed under my belt, I am happy to say I am happy to be here. At home. On a Friday. With a sink full of sudsy water, the washer going, and still in my pajama bottoms. While I go to school every day BUT Friday, I have both Monday and Wednesday mornings at home. I still ended up going to the old job three days this week so the new secretary can figure things out... but it is safe to say after today, I won't be back there anymore.

I thought that this housework - catch up thing would be much faster. I was still feeling a little slacky on Wednesday, but then it hit me - I am trying to un-do what I have not been able to do in the past two years. So, I have cleaned out closets, did summer/winter change over for both Emma and Tripper, and worked my way through a mountain of laundry. I am happy to report that the mountain is now a big hill. :) Progress, people. I am making progress.

Today was a sad day for me -well, this morning more than anything. I went and cleaned out my pew at church. I took our toys/books/candy wrappers out. I was angry that someone that has no idea about my loving God was allowing me to not be with my Christian family. I also know that I am on a spiritual downslide. I spend my time at church being hateful, bitter, and pointing the finger at a man who is lacking human compassion and the Christian spirit. The man is nothing but a used car salesman. A bad one, at that. A judgemental, egotistical.... well, now you just got a taste of what my Sunday morning/evening worship time is like in my head. So I am ready to move on.

What is in store for me? Well, I am going to do more laundry. I am going to spend time with my children. I am going to finish school and study. I am going to go on a field trip with Tripper next week. This week, I baked cupcakes for Emma's birthday. I attended a parent conference for another kid. I took one child money for after school food.

And I was happy to do it.

Year Six.

Emma,
It is hard to believe that seven years ago tomorrow, you were born. It just seems like yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant - that I was having a girl - that you would have your daddy's lips and your grandma's attitude. From the first day I saw you, I couldn't believe how sassy you were, how much you could cry in protest until I figured out what you wanted.

This year has been a year of change. I watched in awe as you shined during your "real" year of Kindergarten. I loved the way that you took care of Mallie at school. I thought it was so neat how you loved to do all of your homework, and you worked so hard to excel at everything that Mrs. Parsons threw at you. I was so proud to discover that you had a fourth grade reading level halfway into the year.

During year six, you have grown. You went from size 11 to size 1 in shoes. And boy, do you have alot of shoes. You also went from size 5 to 7 in clothes. Your hair has grown out. You no longer look so small or so young. I see you turning from my little girl to a young lady.

This year, I have watched the most miraculous transformation for our family ever. I watched you accept and love two sweet girls and call them "sister" without any hesitation. I love how you look up to them and how they care for you. I love how much you and your brothers have no bias toward anyone. I also love to watch how careful you are with Tripp as he started school and you moved up to first grade. Many times this year, I have sat at this computer doing my homework, and I listen as you read him a bedtime story. It makes me so happy to see how nurturing you are not only to Tripp, but to everyone else as well. I see that one day, you are going to be a loving, caring, detail oriented mother and wife.

I am amazed at how you love to learn. This past Sunday, during church services, I noticed that as you were writing the scriptures, you wanted to know what they meant. When I turned to Proverbs 31 and told you that we should all want to be like this, you nodded your head and took it in. While I am sad that another year has passed so quickly, I am so proud of how you are growing.

I love you,
Momma

A New Chapter.

Oh joy!!!

I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I am quitting my job.

I have known for a few weeks and I couldn't tell anyone. But, as of Sunday, the news will be public, so I wanted to share here first.


Lots of things flow through my head. Fridays off- no school, no work.

Finished laundry.

Trips to the store.

Shaved legs.

Time by myself without the pressure of "work"

The ability to just "go to church"

See, the list goes on and on... I am ready to begin this new chapter.
My departure is bittersweet. It is scary, in some ways, to lose my income. I know I am secure in my job, but emotionally, it is tearing my to shreds. I am tired of talking about it, complaining about it.

So, here I go! Only two weeks left. I get to finish my senior year in college by studying, being a mom and getting caught up on the laundry.

Woot! Woot!

Sorry... I am a thug.

Well, I can't tell you how many times I have tried to write a blog post.. I always have so many thoughts in my head. But, yet again... You know how it goes. It doesn't.

Today? Well, let's see... Dave has gone to the UT game in Knoxville. So it is just me and the five kids hangin' out, cleaning house, doing some homework. I wish I had a more exciting life, but I would surely die.

On Monday, for Labor Day, Dave and I snuck out of the house and went furniture shopping. You woulda thought I was in Heaven! We held hands, I pretended that I didn't have three teenagers and two Early Childhooders at home. I found a really cool sectional at Ashley. Here is a picture.

Then I found this super cool ottoman that matches. It is the same color as the sectional.

Did I tell you all how hard five kids are on a couch? They are tough.

Anyways, that was my Monday. Tuesday was a long day at school. Wednesday was followed by Tripp producing the Great Spaghetti Dilemma of 2010. (Nothing like dripping, stinky, stomach juiced noodles hanging from everything...) Oh, It was then and there I found out how much Dave actually loves me. He cleaned the noodles outta the van.

He is a gift from God.

After that, Emma started running a fever. That lasted from 2 a.m. on Wednesday till late Friday evening. So, here I am on Saturday, chillin' with my kiddos. Well, they want to go somewhere/do something. Except - I have the little problem of having six classes to keep up with.

So I am off to study.

Eli.

A few weeks ago, I was both humbled and disturbed when I had to drop my first little boy off at the door of high school.

He was absolutely thrilled to begin this new chapter. There was no anticipation on his part. Only excitement. But me? Well, of course, that is a different story.

I have known from day one that this child is special. He spoke early - by the time he turned one, he was speaking in sentences. His favorite movie was "The Lion King." He was able to name every animal before they ran across the screen in the opening credits. He potty trained at nineteen months. He could tell about the gravitational pull of the moon by time he was three. He swam well by four. He was reading well by time he turned five.

When Eli went to school, he went full force. School was so easy for him that he stayed in trouble. He shared his mischievousness by stuffing his pants pockets full of Pokemon cards - over 100, in fact. He got caught. In the cafeteria, he took the challenge of another boy and bent a spoon. That spoon - still in his box in the top of my closet - cost us 52 cents. One day, he told the teacher that I put special powder in his food to make him sleep at bedtime when he complained night after night of ninjas breaking into his windows and trying to "get" him. By first grade, during a fit on the playground, he threatened to burn the world down. We got a call to come to the school where we were met by the school psychologist, the principal, and a matronly spinster type teacher who thought we had a problem child on our hands. We did not, I insisted. He was just active, with an extremely active imagination. He needed a challenge.

Third grade brought more teacher/parent/student drama. Fourth grade brought a variety of discipline to get his attention. Surely he could sit down to do his work; Both Dave and I knew that all he needed were some challenges in class. Fifth and sixth grade brought about the same kind of problems. Seventh grade - whew. Seventh grade. That is when his hormones hit - Eli gained about six inches in height, thirty pounds, and a on/off like a lightswitch pissy attitude that carried on until the end of grade eight. Somewhere in the middle of grade eight, a teacher promised us that Eli's eccentricity would plane out soon. We waited patiently for him to have to sit down and pay attention and study to learn. My mother heart was sympathetic to what went on in his head. Here was a child, my child, who caused me great joy along with great drama. He was always so pleasent to be around, so full of ideas and stories and action. I knew they just didn't really understand. When I looked at this little-big boy-man, I saw my baby. And I still do.

Finally - Eli's high school career began on August 10th.

On that Tuesday morning, I silently watched this striking young man get ready for his first day of high school. Pleasent, planed out, ready for challenges. Eli was placed in all honors classes. He is handsome, articulate, well read. He has goals for his life. He knows what he wants. He has taken charge. I couldn't be more proud of him.

As I got ready to pull up to the front drive, Eli told me I could stop, to just let him out at the sidewalk. So I did. When he got out of the van, he gave me a dismissal with the fling of his bangs. He gave me a quick "See ya, Mom." And off he went, with his hands up in the air, letting everyone know he had arrived. And he has.

Today, I got a text from Eli. All it said was "Can you come to school and sign some papers for me." And so I went, right then, to see what he had done. Did he loose his phone already? Was he being sent to alternative school? In School Suspension?

When I got to the school, he was in the lunch room eating. He "swaggered" up to me (he told me just last night that he has a "swagger") and handed me the papers to sign. My sweet baby is running for class president. He showed me all the signatures that he had already gotten; he knew that he had the support. I asked him what he had to do; a teacher told me he had to advertise and give a speech, to which he replied something about better lunches. The teacher suggested that we use, 'Vote Eli. All Your Dreams Will Come True."

If she only knew how right she was.

How blessed I am to have been picked to be this child's mother. While I am excited to watch him grow and mature over the next four years, I also have a sense of dread because I know that in four years, he will start another chapter. I have the desire to hold on tight to this kid, to not let him go, to keep him forever. I know this is not realistic. So, for now, I am going to work at spending more time with him, enjoying his personality, building him up.

Woot! Woot!

I found out yesterday that I passed my RAC. What is the RAC, you say? Dave asked the same thing. RAC stands for Reading Accross the Curriculum. It is one part of a four part test called Praxis II that I have to take to get my teaching license.

When I went and took my RAC, I also took another part called CIA. While I would like this CIA to be as interesting as the real CIA, it is not. It stands for Curriculum, Instruction and Assessment. It is really just a Hodge-podge of useless information. I felt good about this test, but I will not know the results until September 24.

Starting next Monday, I will enter in the final stage of my undergraduate degree. How relieved is everyone is cyberland? Thrilled, more than me, I am sure. I am sick of talking school. So, I am really excited to start my final section of classes. All that is left is Student Teaching.

Soon, changes will be coming -
I will get to -

1. Teach a class and not sit in a class.
2. Retire from my yucky job.
3. Use my brain to create fun things for kids.
4. Look forward to summers off.
5. Look forward to a paycheck that is much more than what I make now.
6. Look forward to my children getting 25% off of their tuition in college.
7. Be around my children more.
8. Get my act together. :)

So, now, I prepare for more classes. I have ordered my books. I am waiting for them to be delivered. I am ready for what ever else lies ahead. I am getting ready to graduate! Woot!

Friday.

This has been one long week. I am seriously sleepy today; I woke up at 4 a.m. and could not get back to sleep until almost six. I thought of crazy things like some certain songs, and I thought about how tired I was going to be all day; then I realized that I had a kid stuck in my back. Emma and Tripp are so big now that I feel their heads for length of hair to see who it is.

We don't have any weekend plans as of yet. M is going away for the weekend with a friend. So that leaves us with four kids. I am sure that all others will start calling around to find someone to go home with. I love all the kids, but I am dreaming of alone time with Dave. I would love to be out on the lake for the day, then come home and go to bed without anyone coming in to cuddle or stealing the covers and kicking me. I used to dream of trips to Nashville, walking the streets at night, and a nice dinner. All I want now is some quiet and a nap :)

I have 10 days until I go back to school. I have enjoyed the break. I think I am going to join Netflix because we are out of Redbox movies to watch.

Update.

It sure has been hot! School started last week. We all survived. But it has been so hot, that the moment you walk outside, it takes your breath away and you automatically start sweating. I think that this summer has matched last winter. While we had tons of snow for the last winter season, we seem to have had extra heat for this summer.

I looked at some football game pictures awhile ago - I could almost feel the crisp air, smell the scent of chimney smoke and taste the hot chocolate that we get at the games. While it has been nice to be warm, I am ready for some coolness. Not cold, but cooler.

We have had a lazy weekend. By Saturday at noon, we were all so hot and sweaty that we went to the pool. That only lasted a couple of hours. Then, we came home, and each child tried their best to find someone to take them for the evening. Aunt Jamie took one kid, one went with friends from church and the oldest went with friends to the fair. That only left me and Dave with the two little ones. It was a nice break - but it was so quiet.

Sunday was lazy too. After morning church, we rented movies... and I took a big nap. When I woke up, Tripp didn't look so healthy. In fact, he had a fever and was not feeling good at all. Then he started vomiting. And cat napping. And vomiting. This lasted until now. There has been no vomit for a few hours, but there was a 9 a.m. doctors visit that says he has Strep.

We have had one child with tonsillitis/possible strep last week. She is still on antibiotics. So I guess that possible strep was reality. Now we are on Kid #2. Who is next? Strep loves Eli. And Emma. I have never caught it. But I am starting to become paranoid.

With five kids, I am always in awe of how things can turn around in the drop of a hat.

Time for School.

All my kids started school this year.

It was a little more difficult for me than usual. Not only did Eli start high school, Tripper started Kindergarten. My heart broke on Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Then, again today.

I have been so sad that when Eli got out of the van this morning, Emma said, "OK Mom, you can start crying now."

Eli - age 9, Emma- age 20 months

Tripp - age 5 days old.

On Tuesday, I got the privilidge of dropping this sweet,

caring young man off at high school.

On that morning, he looked like this.

In my head, and in my heart, what I saw was this.

Eli - age 2

After I took Eli to school, I had to take my sweet, smart little-big girl to her first day of first grade. This is what she looked like on Tuesday morning.

But instead, I thought about this.

Finally, Friday arrived. The day I have been dreading for five years. The day when I will have no more children at home.
The day of freedom for some (Dave) :)

This is Tripper, this morning, ready for his first day in his new school outfit picked out all by himself. Even the hat. Especially the hat :)

But all I thought of was this.

Here are a couple of pictures of the kids this morning.

I know they are going to have a great time. I just didn't expect it to go by so fast.

No Title.

I think that sometimes I just need to write for me. I am not even sure if I will publish this. I am so tired- tired of school, tired of work, tired of the never ending cycle of groceries, laundry, and baths. I am even tired of bitching. I wish I felt caught up. I wish that I was not at the end of the list. I wish I could go back to the season of staying at home. But I cannot.

Yesterday, I lay down on my bed after work and I cried. I cried because I hate my job. I cried because I can't get it together. I cried because even though I only have two semesters left, well, I have two semesters left. I cried because I need a pedicure, my hair needs to be cut, I have laundry to fold, I don't spend enough time with my kids. I cried because my heart hurts for my girls. I cried because I was crying. Who knows.

Then, this morning, I happened to read some Kate Chopin. Her works were written in the late 1800's, in the days of slavery. Kate's stories all relate to women who seem to be in the same season I am in - the season of children, home, husband and trying for balance. There was one story called "A Pair of Silk Stockings" - I had never read this story before. I read this, re-read it, and now I know: all women are confused and angry.

No, not really. This story made me think about how if we, as wives and mothers, sometimes put ourselves first, we end up being better wives and mothers. Now, I just need to find time to do it.

It's Football Time in TN!

Ugh.
School starts in two weeks.
I can't wait for some serious structure and routine for the kiddos.

Football season is here.


Not only is Dave coaching middle school, Eli is playing high school football. And we also have a kid in fall soccer. That is going to be alot of juggling. Dave's practices are from 3-5 p.m. and games are on Tuesday and/or Thursday. Eli practices - well, I don't really know when. But I am sure it will be every day. And as we all know, high school football games are on Friday nights.

Wait, while I am on the subject, let me tell ya how scary football is for me.

For some reason, it scares me to see Eli out on the field. I guess partly because he kicks, and when he plays, it is all on him. Also, he is so thin, and he is my baby boy, so the thought of those big, fat kids tackling him sends me into hyperventilating and sweating.

OMG.

It doesn't scare me when he plays soccer. Just football.

Oh, he also made the high school soccer team last week. That is pretty cool.

So, I am going to comfort myself with the fact that he is a freshman, and freshman don't get to start in football.

Goodbye to Pa.

My Pa died last Wednesday night.

After church on Wednesday, we went to eat. I had a gaggle of giggling children and a fierce kidney infection going on. By 9:30'ish, after a hot shower and some clean pj's, I settled down to finally watch Finding Nemo with my five kids. About five minutes after becoming comfortable with the heating pad and a little girl hanging accross my lap, the phone rings.

Pa was gone.

It is not that I didn't know it was coming. He was 84. He had been sick for a few weeks. Pa was a good strong Christian. He was of the Baptist faith. With Pa, there was never any gray area. Everything was always black and white. And he never cared to call you out on it.

Pa was a stern looking man. He always had probing eyes, looking for something I did wrong. I respected him, I looked at him as all knowing. I always felt as though everything I did displeased him.

Pa liked to whittle. One time, when I was a little girl, I asked him if I could whittle with him. So, he got me a little stick, and pulled a little knife out of his pocket and we whittled together.

Pa had many sayings that I can still hear. When he said "thought" it always came out as "throught" - and if someone dropped candy on the ground, he always encouraged us to eat it, saying "it will put alittle grit in yer gizzard."

My Pa never made it past second grade. He also didn't learn to read until later years - Granny always read the Bible to him until he decided to read it himself one day. That is how he learned to read.

My Pa and Granny were married for 63 years. When they married, he was 20 and she was 16.
They had five kids and ten grand kids - five boys and five girls.

Surprisingly, we all made it through the funeral arrangements. There were plenty of angry disagreements between siblings. All the grand kids just sat back and watched out parents act out. We made it through visitation. And then we made it through the funeral. When my time came to walk up to the casket for a final goodbye, I knew that this would be the last time I would see this face. I was not sad for Pa. I knew he was better off.

What I was sad for is the fact that I don't see everything in black and white. I have lots of grey areas. I fall short, many, many times during the day. While Pa always knew the answers for things, I question. Pa's way was to follow the Bible and Jesus. That is how he lived.

Negative.

I was in the grocery store yesterday afternoon and there was an older man there with three wee people in his cart. There were two little girls in the back (I would guess ages 5 and 4) and a sweet little boy (about age 2) in the front. I overheard a conversation that made me think about people and their stupidity.

One guy asks the older guy if those are his grand kids. He says no, the two in the back are adopted and the teeny boy in the front is a foster child.

I looked at those kids all the way through the store. I cannot imagine how hard life is for them.
Right now, their basic needs are being met. They are being fed, clothed, bathed. They go to church. But I kept looking into those little eyes as we passed and I thought about all the things they must have saw already. It is innocence lost.

I kept thinking about what predicament got them to where they are. In such short lives, they have dealt with some type of abuse and/or neglect. They have been taken away from parents or been abandoned by parents.

It just makes me mad. What is wrong with people? Why can't they do what they say? When they make a commitment to have a child, or raise a child, why don't they follow through?

Anyways, I guess that is my rant for the day. I am sure it will not be the only one. I seem to be cranky, in a bad mood. I just don't understand some people and why they don't think of their children when they do stupid things or make stupid decisions.

Sheesh.

I didn't have a title for this post, so I thought I would share what is in my head.

Here are some weekly updates.

• We have less than one month until school starts. We are all excited, apprehensive and nervous. The girls have not been to school in a few years, Eli is going to high school and Tripper is starting Kindergarten. So it is going to be a little scary for everyone as we prepare and get things in order. We talk about what it will be like. Bedtimes will be the worst.
• The kids have been swimming all day everyday it seems. Well, they are all so tan. I wish they would just take a day off and hang out.
• I really dislike school. I wish I was done. I am so close.
• I am now only working three days a week where I can spend more time with the kids and make sure everything is done. I am loving the extra time at home but I really haven't been at home. My days are full.
• I am having trouble with Spanish class. I am unmotivated - well, I just don't care. It is so bad that I went in and calculated my GPA and found out that if I make a C instead of an A it will only drop my GPA from 3.46 to 3.42. So now, I am thinking I just want out of the class. I made a 50 on my first test. My teacher emailed me and said, "It is obvious that you cannot conjugate verbs or tell time in Spanish." Um. Yeah. I speak English. And my Spanish Helpers were at camp. :)
• Speaking of my Spanish Helpers - I don't really ask them for any help. When I am studying my online Spanish class, a little dude pops up on the computer screen. I have to translate. And I listen. And listen. About 100 times. If my Spanish Helpers hear the Spanish, they come by and tell me what he says. It is nuts.
• Also speaking of my Spanish Helpers- we are watching lots of MTV Spanish and Spanish Music Videos. It is hilarious! And then the commercials are funny too. We all sit around the living room watching these crazy shows like we know what they are saying. And the girls just giggle and laugh. :)

B.

Cost for 17 hours of summer classes: $4000
Pain of going to Three- Ten Hour Saturday School Sessions: Huge
Tears when you see that you get your first and only "B" for those 17 hours - Lots and Lots.

I accidentally found my grades for the May Intersession.

I got all A's with a sneaky little "B" in the middle.

What is so disappointing is that the "B" class was the hardest class - but the class I tried the hardest in. The teacher demanded much work, a huge midterm and a final. At the end, a huge 22 page Unit Plan was turned in. I was proud of it - there were many in the class that had papers passed down from previous students. This work was my own. I could not find a paper - believe me, at that point, I woulda used it. I was (and am) tired. I work full time, have five children, a house. I have groceries to buy, dinner to feed. Baths to give.

Dude gave me a "B." I did not deserve a B. I deserved an "A."

I am not the average 21 year old Senior in college. I have a thirty minute commute - I don't live on campus. When I made it to student teaching BY 7:30 every morning, I had already got the kids up and got them ready for school. I did not have the luxury of laying around until 6:30. My day started much earlier than this. When I left that practicum, I went straight to class. And I studied. Then, I drove straight to ball games, tried to feed the kids, bath times, collapsed in bed if I made it to bed. And it started all over. For three weeks straight. After just finishing the normal Spring semester.

Anyways, I always take something with me from these mini - lessons. I know that because of this, I will look closer at each child and their abilities. I will look at the big picture when assigning some stupid grade. Grades are harmful to those who struggle. Again, the power to "make or break." That is what power teachers have.

You have been a momma a long time when...

• I am sitting in class, just finished my sub from Subway, and picked up my napkin to wipe my mouth. The Subway logo has red on it- my first thought was, "What now! Who's nose is bleeding!"

Oh wait. The kids aren't even with me.

• When Tripper busted his mouth last night on the plastic Disney princess stool in the bathroom, I let Emma hold a wet washcloth to his mouth to stop the bleeding.

I suck.

• I look forward to when people invite my children to sleepovers. You would be suprised how one -just one - less child changes household dynamics.

Seriously. I miss them bunches.

• I feel blessed when I only do ONE load of laundry before work.
• I spend time researching different VBS's we can attend because

A. They will feed the kids.

B. The kids will be separated and be forced to make new friends.

C. The kids will be pressured to use manners.

D. The little kids will go into another room and play with others. And not fuss because of the heat , hunger, being touched by a sibling.

• Fantasies include : sleep, going the lake on a boat ride, and a clean house.

100 Things.

I copied this idea from another blog I read. I thought it would be fun to see if I love 100 of anything. Here we go!

1. My children
2. Dave
3. My inlaws and their kindness and acceptance and support.
4. My Dad bringing me coffee in the morning.
5. God's grace and mercy.
6. The power of Prayer!
7. My children's acceptance.
8. The thought of unconditional love.
9. The smell of the ocean.
10. The sound of the water splashing.
11. A cold shower after being at the pool, lake or beach.
12. Dave's cologne.
13. Dave's laugh.
14. My kids laughter.
15. Mallie Mo and her reasoning on things.
16. Mallies belly laughs.
17. The surprises that God gives us.
18. Freshly shaved legs.
19. Clean hair that does good when it is fixed.
20. tanned feet.
21. Going away for the night with Dave.
22. Watching my kids do something new.
23. The right color of lipstick.
24. A really great pedicure.
25. Shopping and finding good deals.
26. A cute dress.
27. Bath and Body Works.
28. Taking pictures.
29. My nephew Ethan and his dislike for Dave. :)
30. The fact that I have made it this far.
31. warm cookies.
32. Christmas morning.
33. Birthdays of my children - thinking about that particular day.
34. Pregnant bellies - NOT MY OWN!
35. New earrings that are flashy.
36. A new purse.
37. Sandals and flip flops.
38. I am a senior in college.
39. I will graduate soon.
40. I have a 3.4 GPA (for now!)
41. I started with a 1.8.
42. Writing a good paper.
43. Getting A's in class.
44. Knowing I turned out better than my mother wanted.
45. My van.
46. Dave's new truck.
47. Dave's look of happiness in the new truck.
48. Not switching vehicles cause all five kids fit in both vehicles.
49. My girls.
50. Their smiles.
51. Watching them change.
52. Buying them clothes.
53. Eli's ability to love and be affectionate.
54. Kisses to the forehead.
55. My surrogate mother at church.
56. Knowing I can get advice from her.
57. Cereal in a glass with cold milk.
58. Giving good advice.
59. Getting good advice.
60. Non judgemental people.
61. Nicholas Sparks' books.
62. A good cry.
63. Healthy kids.
64. Air conditioning.
65. A toasty blanket in air conditioning.
66. Going on a date.
67. Holding hands.
68. A CLEAN HOUSE.
69. fresh sheets on the bed.
70. No dirty laundry.
71. New boxes of cereal.
72. Vacation.
73. Hugs.
74. Being able to be myself.
75. Accepting who I am.
76. Being accepted for who I am and where I came from.
77. Aquafina water.
78. Freshly washed kids.
79. My kids kissing me,
80. Tight hugs.
81. Slushy Popsicles in the summer.
82. Usher....
83. Great music as I am driving.
84. Cancelled classes.
85. Getting out of class early.
86. Laughing during class.
87. Zero candy bars (haven't had one in years!)
88. Mountain Dew.
89. Great conversation with great friends.
90. Mexican lunch breaks.
91. Sushi.
92. The fact that I have listed alot of food.
93. The ability to say no.
94. People who want to work in the congregation.
95. Compliments on my bulletin.
96. The fact that I have named 96 of these crazy things.
97. Friday afternoons.
98. Going for a walk.
99. Taking a day off.
100. The power of prayer.

Back from the Beach.

Ah, the little kids are home!
After four long days without them, they have returned.
While they were gone, I had some super quality time with my two big girls and Eli.

We shopped. Boy, did we shop.
We got their rooms cleaned.

But what is left from their rooms is in piles in my kitchen, waiting for me to sort it out.

I am absolutely loving life. I love all five of my children. There is so much laughter in my house that sometimes my heart aches. I am full of love for each of my children. And sometimes my heart hurts for the times that I have missed. I wish I could have been involved sooner. But, I know that we are doing what is intended.

Last night we were treated to rice and beans. It was awesome. Then we had Rock Band Night. Mostly, I just sat and listened to the laughter and singing.

Later on, Emma fell asleep on one of the girls laps. I was going to take Emma to bed, but my favorite 13 year old told me she would do it. So, she carried Emma up to bed. A few minutes later, I went to check on them. Emma's sister was reading her a story. They ended up reading five books, with Emma fighting sleep for some precious time with the sweet girl.

And then finally, Emma went to sleep.

Today, I think about what it was like to be standing on the outside last night when the little kids got home from the beach. I am focusing on the tight hugs from big kids to little. I am replaying the "I love you" and the "I missed you so much" that I heard so many times last night.

I have always loved the scripture in the Bible that says, "And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3)

I always thought that scripture pertained to faith. I have talked about my children's faith over the years, how strong their faith is - how they know that God will take care of them.

Over the past few weeks, I have learned it is not only faith, but acceptance, love, and pureness of heart.

My children have new sisters. Without question, they have new members to our family - no questions asked. I wish more adults could witness this wonderful happening in my home. We should all be like the little children. We would be much better off.

School, Work and Kids... What else is there?

Happy Tuesday!

Summer seems to be quickly passing by. Everyone is so busy with lots of activities. Just this week, the little kids are at the beach. They will be back tomorrow. Next week, one kid will do volleyball camp, a couple of kids will have swimming lessons.

In a few weeks, the teenagers will go to camp for a week. Eli will have football kicking camp, and DARE camp also. He already goes to football workouts three days a week.

As for me, I am still chugging along in summer school. And I am still working. VBS is next week also.

There was ten weeks off of school and now we are down to seven weeks. I am already thinking about five kids who will need backpacks, school school supplies, school fees...

Maybe I need to have a yard sale?

Where were you?

Many years ago, I remember looking at the moon at night and thinking about the one person that was made for me. I wondered what he was doing. I just knew he was out there.

About a year later, I found Dave.

I knew that one day, I would have lots of kids.
Before Eli was born, I used to try to picture what he would look like.... blonde hair? brown hair? blue eyes? brown eyes? I imagined how this child would change my life - he would make me a mother. So, in February of 1996, I got my baby boy with little blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He did change my life.

For seven whole years, Eli was an only child. I used to sit and daydream about the kids I would have in the future. I knew they were "there" - I used to talk about how I loved them already. I pictured a girl with curly brown hair and big brown eyes. I pictured another little tow headed boy with big blue eyes just like Dave and Eli.

When I had the little kids, I didn't exactly get what I pictured. I got a little girl with straight blonde hair and big hazel eyes and then I got a little boy with blonde hair and brown eyes.

That was OK by me. :)

It seemed that all along, I knew that they were out there - all four of these people that I love so much, more than anything else in the whole world.

I told Dave about two years ago that I did not feel "done." I still needed to be a momma. Who would have known that it was so close.

Now, I am able to take care of two precious girls. It is amazing. Every day is like an adventure... you know, that kind of adventure when children are small and they learn and say new things all the time? This is the kind of adventure we are all living together.

Now, I have five children. It is such a blessing to me to have these girls. They are gifts to me.
When I learned their birthdates, I wondered, "What were they doing in 1997? I had a one year old son at that time." And I wondered, "What were they doing in 2000? Eli was four years old then."

The girls are teaching me so much. I am learning about love all over again, I am learning about letting go, taking and sharing. Because of them, I am a stronger person. I am thankful they are in our family.

What do I have to say?

Wow! I can't believe that I am having trouble coming up with something to blog about. I open the blog several times throughout the week.... I start to write then I X it out! Maybe I feel like I don't have anything important to share. Some things - well, lots of things, I can't share. I feel like I should not expose all that is going on.

I have toyed with making this a password only blog. That way, I can write about our lives and what is really happening. But there again, I feel like I would be infringing on others privacy.

So, let's see... What can I tell?

I turned 35 last Saturday. It made me sad. I am on the downhill slide to 40. Wow.

Tripper is turning 5 this Saturday. It will be my official last day of intersession and Saturday School. We have no birthday party planned. We ran out of time. He and Emma are going with the Grandma to the beach on Sunday morning... so what we are going to have is a family party - kind of a "welcome" for the new kids, a birthday/summer deal at the swimming pool in a few weeks, where we will invite the entire group of people we love best to come hang out.

Sucks, I know. But, Tripper does get to go to the beach.

What will I do with out the little kids here? I will still have three kids at home with me. Easier or harder? I will let you know.

My summer semester starts tomorrow. I have had five days off. Have I done anything? Not really. I still had to work and I did not get any house stuff done. I sat at the pool with the kids.

And I washed ALOT of towels. :)

Happy Saturday!

good Afternoon! I wanted to give an update to what is going on with us. As always, I am going to do bullets so it is quick- I am in class rightnow and I should be listening but I am not.

• Eli is graduating 8th grade on Monday night. How did this happen? Next time I turn around it will be high school.
• Tripper finished Pre-K. So, he is off to Kindergarten in August. Wow!
• Emma just finished Kindergarten and is off to 1st grade- She is super excited.
• After next Friday, I will be a senior!

I believe.

• I believe in the rightness of our choice.
• I believe that God has a plan for my two new girls.
• I believe that there is beauty that comes from sadness and hurt.
• I believe that my family will grow - not just in number (I now have five children!) but that they will grow in love and knowledge.
• I believe that we have a purpose.
• I believe that I have a purpose.
• I believe that God has answered my prayers for protection for my girls.
• I believe that while it may take a little while to become adjusted, we will eventually settle into a new routine.
• I believe that great things are about to happen.

Conversations.

From Tripper.
At the Dairy Queen.

"Hey Mother. Did you know that if someone hurts you, they pop your personal bubble?"

I have no comment to that. Really.

Oh, What a Night... and a day, too!

Ok, I just started to write about our night, Tripp's hiney, our ambulance ride, our day at Vanderbilt, Tripper on morphine, me missing class... but I really don't want to talk about it.

Today was super difficult.

You know what, though? I didn't even cry.

I also have not cried when all that junk started going on with my new kids. I don't know why. I am usually a huge mush ball. But I seem to have no tears. Maybe I am old and dried up.

For those who don't know, we are going to have two girls come live with us. I am very excited about this. They are beautiful, courageous, and simply wonderful.

Well, tomorrow is day 5 of school Intersession. Just making it through.

Blind Faith.

Right now, my life is being led by blind faith.

There are many choices that we are making that may or may not make sense to others. I have been questioned about what provisions I have to add other children to my family. I have been asked the silliest things that do not pertain to the situation. I am asked and questioned by those who matter most to me - friends, family and some church family.

My blind faith keeps me going.
I know that everything is going to be OK.

A couple of nights ago, I was talking with Eli and we were discussing how one choice or action can effect someone else's life forever. Forever. Think about the power in that. So many excuses could be made - Have I been through the teenage years? No. Will children have to share bedrooms? Yes. Do I have enough room in my van? Almost. Do six children eat alot? most definitely.

What comes to my mind is this: These children deserve life. and love. and stability. and laughter. and chances. and choices. My house has life, and love, and stability and lot and lots of laughter. We give choices and chances.

On the other hand, I am encouraged by a select group who tell me that it is going to be OK. God promises to take care of us - with food, shelter and clothing. He is there when we are stress over a situation. All we have to do is put Him first. Dave is our strongest supporter. Many times over the past weeks, he has told me, "It will work out." Plain and simple. Another lady from our congregation called me last Monday. Her words were also plain and simple. She was outright - straight to the point. She asked me what would God have me to do. I told her, "He would have me take the kids." She replied, "Well, there ya go. Have a good day." And she hung up.

This is why I have blind faith. I am thankful for prayer, a purpose, and direction.
Remember, "Here Am I, Send Me."

Conversations

So, Emma and I were talking last night... don't really remember the conversation leading up to the comment, but it was revolving around a boy. It went something like this:

Emma: Mom, Lex was at Eli's soccer game. He told me.
Me: Well, I did not see him.
Emma: If you woulda saw him, you would know. He is hot!
Me: Emma, you think he is cute?
Emma: I am thinkin' he is my Romeo.

Updates... Bullet Style!

Here are some things that are going on with our family:

• Getting my school comments outta the way: I have a final tonight. My last - and only - one. While I did have presentations due, this is my only formal final. After this, I am going to start intersession on Monday. I am just going to a local school and doing 5th grade math. I am thankful for a certain friend who loves math. I do not. I am also thankful for field trips. :)
• May is a busy month. While we have "extras" happening, we also have Eli's 8th grade graduation, Daisy's high school graduation and Tripp's Pre-K graduation.
• Daisy's prom this Saturday :) (Daisy is the newest member of our family - She is a gorgeous 18 year old high school senior) I am thrilled to get to have her hair done on Saturday. My sweet Mother in Law took her and got jewelery and shoes. Indeed, the prom is a fairy tale... even when you are not the one attending. It is wonderful to watch her glow at the thoughts of prom...
• Emma is excited about moving up to first grade. She is so bubbly right now... softball season is here and she is doing well. The fact that she "gets sweaty" is not holding her back.
• Tripper, on the other hand, is not liking t-ball. At all. We know this was a mistake. It is going to be a long season.
• Eli had his last "middle-school" soccer game last night. He has a playoff game on Thursday. I was going to take pictures... but my batteries died in my camera.

I will do a picture post soon. I promise.

Another one bites the dust.

Ah, I am finished with yet another semester.
Hooray for me!

Nothing new going on... yeah, right.
More on that later.

I am loving the sunshine and the warm air.

Emma is doing the Academic Bowl for Kindergarten tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m. She is excited. Eli should have done his today. He loves to compete, and it looks like his competitiveness's has rubbed off on Emma.

Oh, we got his ACT results back. You know, like the REAL ACT? The high school one?
Well, he made a 26.
That is pretty dadgum cool cause I made a 19. And Dave made a 19.
So, technically, Eli could go ahead and start college.
:)

Is It God Calling?

Have you ever felt as though something was supposed to happen or that you were supposed to be somewhere at a certain time?

Have you ever been "called" to do something?

We have an opportunity that I feel is a blessing. Not necessarily a blessing maybe, because the circumstances were not that great to begin with - maybe the right term is that we are in a position to make a difference.

Last week, I had a serious conversation with God. I think I am still talking to Him about this particular thing. Anyways, I went for a walk on a sunny day. I thought about life as I walked around in the blowing breeze, the warm air, the sun... and I told Him, "Here I am. Do with me what You will."

I think of a song we sing in church, "Here am I, send me." This is what I want. This is what I need. But I want to make sure that my needs and wants are His needs and wants.

I have to pray harder. And completely rely on God.

Last week of school... here I come!

It is with great anticipation that I finish the last week of this practicum. I have come to love my second graders! I was blessed to spend last week with fourth grade and I proctored the TCAP. Guess what! I love fourth graders, too.

On May 10th, I will move to middle school and spend two weeks with either fifth or sixth graders. Will I love them also? Or will they scare the goo outta me like I think?

It is hard to believe that next month at this time, I will be a senior. :)

In other news, it has been a difficult two weeks for both myself and Dave (and the rest of the family) emotionally. I have learned some hard lessons about government, people and trust. I have prayed for a specific family that has been brought to us. I have told God that I am here, use me how he wishes. I have repeated that God is in control of the situation - even when I did not feel it.

I pray for guidance for a sweet family. I pray for the social workers, I pray for my family who are all stepping in and working together.

We have so much and now I know that there are so many that have so little. Not financially. Emotionally. While my own little family is not perfect, Dave and I love, love, love the kids. We hug and kiss and play. Even when we are exhausted at the end of the day, we love.

So many children do not get that.

I always look to grow from certain situations. From this situation, I have learned to be extra careful with my words and actions. I am watching my own movements about the house. I want to make sure that my family knows how much I love them and appreciate them.

Eli is an awesome teenager with a wonderful future ahead of him. I love his wit and charm. I have saw a different side of him this week... I see how tender his heart really is. This child has the ability to love others deeply.

Emma is ready to share and be loved by others. She takes change in stride, opens her heart to those in need. She is a welcoming child full of love and loyalty.

Tripp is happy to be here :)

Anyways, please keep my friends in your prayers in the upcoming weeks. They need it.

M.I.A.

Sorry I am missing in action. Good Gravy, this is hard.
I am sorry I complained about all other semesters.
I am sorry I am complaining now.
I just signed my life away for the summer.

I have, quite possibly, had two of the most heart wrenching weeks of my life - reasons I cannot disclose here, but for those who know me IRL, well you know.

I found out last night that I was old. A girl in class told me of her desire to marry her boyfriend. And she is excited to see where her life is taking her. Then she ended with.... "but, I don't want to get old. And, I don't want to have kids. Once you have kids, it is over."

Um, chick, it is just the beginning.
I wanted to tell her what a blessing and a privilege it is to reproduce with someone you love so, so much. That the greatest gift that God gives us it the ability to be a mother. That while fat, stretch marks, crows feet, mouth wrinkles, tiredness, worry and stress are all worth those sweet smiles, the "I lub you, mommy" comments, the kisses.....

She will figure it out, one day, all on her own.

Then, I quoted one of my most favorite people and told her about "seasons." There are seasons in our lives that replace seasons. While some are not as enjoyable, they are necessary to move to the next level. When you are in a season that is not really agreeable to you, suck it up, make the best of it, and go on. It doesn't last forever.

Holy gravy, I just talked myself out of a pitty party.
Thanks, me.

Tough Day.

I chose to skip practicum today. It is the first day that I have missed teaching.
Emma's homework was not done, Tripper was refusing to dress OR brush his teeth. Kindergarten papers were due, High School admission papers were due, applications for honors classes were due and needed teacher approval signatures. I work Eli up around 6:10. At 7 a.m. he rolled outta bed.

I sat there, at 6:55 a.m., my normal "leave" time, and had chaos all around me.
I chose to call in sick, to help Emma with schoolwork, help Tripper brush his teeth, deliver signed applications and papers to the proper places.

I got it done.

Sometimes, the kids have to come first.

It went downhill from there.
You ever had those days where ya just want to go to bed, get back up and start all over?
Today is one of those days.

Times of Change.

It seems that nothing is constant.

Things are always changing.

I have several magnets on my fridge. Sometimes, I will put special artwork on there. Right now, there is an Easter bunny in a field of construction paper grass. There is a renewal for my drivers license that needs to be completed. There is a super funny menopause magnet that makes me laugh. I also have some of the most important pictures in my life on my fridge. My wedding day picture with my mother, a picture of me and my babies after Tripper was born, a goofy picture of Dave... I guess that my fridge is the descriptor of my life.

Right now, I have a paper on there that reminds me that my first baby will be going to high school soon. Tonight, we have a parent-information meeting at 6 p.m.

Following that, we have a "Save The Date" for 8th grade graduation on May 24th.

On the opposite side, I had an application for my youngest baby to start Kindergarten.

When that youngest baby was born, I would sit and rock and count their ages.... Eli was nine, Emma was twenty months, and Tripper was just born.

Then, I would think about how easy it would be when:

• Eli would be 10, Emma would be 3 and Tripper would be 1.
• Eli would be 11, Emma would be 4 and Tripper would be 2.
• Eli would be 13, Emma would be 6 and Tripper would be 4.

Now, Eli is 14, Emma will be 7 and Tripper will soon be turning 5.

Not too far in the future, Eli will be 20, Emma will be 13, and Tripper will be 11.

There is nothing "easy" about it.

One day, they will be gone. It will just be me and Dave. Alone. In the house. I will miss stepping on marbles, matchbox cars, and Barbie hairbrushes. I will miss the smell of teenage boy cologne, a young man begging to have a sleepover, silly stories, and all the look-what-I-can-do's that come with kids.

These days are passing by too quickly for me.

Mistakes.

I have had some pretty stupid screw-ups lately.

• It is almost time for mid-nine weeks reports for the kids - I just sent report cards back this week.
• I realized on the 29th of March that I did not pay the water/gas/sewer bill for the month. It not only cost me $30 in late fees, I had to go into City Hall and pay the bill. Do you know how embarrassing it is to pay a bill with a cut-off notice when a picture of your husband is hanging right beside the check out counter at City Hall, staring at you as you fix a screw up?
• Spring Pictures were a couple of weeks ago. Thinking that I was on the ball, I put Emma's check in the envelope and sealed it, and put it in her backpack ONE DAY EARLY! Woo-Hoo! Fast forward a week later, I got a strange phone call on my cell phone. It was from the picture taking people. Seems that I did, in fact, put the check in, but I did not fill it out or sign it. They graciously sent it back and let me finish it, so Emma will still get her Kindergarten class picture.
• I registered for Summer/Fall session. I filled out the financial aid papers like the day they were posted online. I never received a response. I thought, "Boy, they are cutting it down to the last minute." So, I walked across campus yesterday and just stopped by and checked it out. They were never received. First,the lady at the desk told me my hair was cute. That was an added bonus :) Second, she told me to go resubmit right then. So I did. She said it looks good, I should have plenty of money to fund my 17 summer hours and my 17 fall hours.

Now, I have to build up my courage to talk to my bosses at work and ask for three weeks off in May. Someone, give me an opinion.

IF YOU CAN KNOCK OUT AN ENTIRE SEMESTER IN THREE WEEKS, WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB OVER IT?

Please reply.

Happy Tuesday!

Today is another busy day.

I did not have school, but I had to go to work. Emma had a dentist appointment at 1 p.m. and we did not finish till 2:15. Poor girl had a cavity pop up in the last couple of weeks... well, it ended up having to be filled. And it was deep. She was on gas for almost an hour. Now, she is sleeping in my floor at work.

Eli has a soccer game tonight at 5 p.m.

Tomorrow, I have school.

There is only 18 more working days in this semester.

Happy Easter.

Usually, I end up with some fairly decent pictures of my children.

This Easter, this was not the case.

The best ones I have ended up on Facebook. While I love my sweet, smiley faced children and their abilities to pose for great pictures, some days, well, sweet and smiley faced is not what my children are.

Today, this was the case.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, are the pictures I tried to take before 9 a.m. and make it to church on time.

Not sure what is happening here. I ended up yelling.

Tripper lied and told his Daddy that I told him to get in the van. Eli did not want to squat down for a picture with Emma. I tried to tell him that he is wayyyy too tall to stand up straight beside anyone in our family.

Didn't listen. So he has no head.

We moved on to self portraits.

Eli and me.
Me and Dave on candy overload.

This is prolly the best picture of us.

Ever.

This is what makes us - us.

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

I did.

Slacker. Again.

As yet another semester draws to a close, I find myself panicking due to all the uncertainty in my life.

I have been with my kids, my group of 2nd graders, for two weeks now. We had several breakthroughs this week, where they actually paid attention to me, and I was their teacher.

While my Host Teacher is good, nice, and friendly, there is a lot more "classroom crazy" going on than I like. I am learning to adjust. I started actually teaching lessons last week. I did the spelling section Monday - Thursday. I graded their homework.
Then,

• I found myself wondering who actually studied at home.
• I noticed particular words that the entire class missed on the Spelling Pre-Test on Wednesday.
• I now can pick out my strong students, my middle line students, and my students whose parents are not involved or don't give a flip.

I love these kids- all of them, even my ADHD boy who now just stares me down as he runs from me, instead of scrunching his face up like a monster ready to attack. I am having alot of fun.

Yesterday, I had to go to my classroom at Tech. It was a somber scene all morning. I got there early, I listened to horror stories about Practicum from my peers. One guy told me that all his Host Teacher lets him do is file papers and move boxes. Another lady told me of how she is belittled. This was the first time this semester that our entire class was so quiet. There is a sense of panic about the upcoming four weeks - it is crunch time. Our Professors gave us a calendar of when to be where, what is due, what we should be working on. I am feeling more than a little overwhelmed. There is not enough hours in my day.

I am living three lives - I leave the house at 6:50 a.m., drive for 30 minutes, teach till 11 a.m. , drive for 30 minutes, go to work, pick the kids up, work till 4:30 or 5:00, go home or to soccer games or back to school. After this, I am trying to be a mom, and a wife. I have no time to be a friend. My tornado could be catastrophic, but I have Dave there, picking up my slack, backing me up with the children. I have my mother in law in the back, picking up my leftovers.

I woke up before 6 a.m. this morning, thinking about my kids at school, what I am going to do to get their attention about the lessons on Chinese culture that I am teaching next week. In my dreams I was devising word games for them to remember their vocabulary and spelling words.

I will be finished with this semester on April 30. The following week is FINALS.
So, today, I am going to work on today. Tomorrow is for tomorrow.