Negative.

I was in the grocery store yesterday afternoon and there was an older man there with three wee people in his cart. There were two little girls in the back (I would guess ages 5 and 4) and a sweet little boy (about age 2) in the front. I overheard a conversation that made me think about people and their stupidity.

One guy asks the older guy if those are his grand kids. He says no, the two in the back are adopted and the teeny boy in the front is a foster child.

I looked at those kids all the way through the store. I cannot imagine how hard life is for them.
Right now, their basic needs are being met. They are being fed, clothed, bathed. They go to church. But I kept looking into those little eyes as we passed and I thought about all the things they must have saw already. It is innocence lost.

I kept thinking about what predicament got them to where they are. In such short lives, they have dealt with some type of abuse and/or neglect. They have been taken away from parents or been abandoned by parents.

It just makes me mad. What is wrong with people? Why can't they do what they say? When they make a commitment to have a child, or raise a child, why don't they follow through?

Anyways, I guess that is my rant for the day. I am sure it will not be the only one. I seem to be cranky, in a bad mood. I just don't understand some people and why they don't think of their children when they do stupid things or make stupid decisions.

B.

Cost for 17 hours of summer classes: $4000
Pain of going to Three- Ten Hour Saturday School Sessions: Huge
Tears when you see that you get your first and only "B" for those 17 hours - Lots and Lots.

I accidentally found my grades for the May Intersession.

I got all A's with a sneaky little "B" in the middle.

What is so disappointing is that the "B" class was the hardest class - but the class I tried the hardest in. The teacher demanded much work, a huge midterm and a final. At the end, a huge 22 page Unit Plan was turned in. I was proud of it - there were many in the class that had papers passed down from previous students. This work was my own. I could not find a paper - believe me, at that point, I woulda used it. I was (and am) tired. I work full time, have five children, a house. I have groceries to buy, dinner to feed. Baths to give.

Dude gave me a "B." I did not deserve a B. I deserved an "A."

I am not the average 21 year old Senior in college. I have a thirty minute commute - I don't live on campus. When I made it to student teaching BY 7:30 every morning, I had already got the kids up and got them ready for school. I did not have the luxury of laying around until 6:30. My day started much earlier than this. When I left that practicum, I went straight to class. And I studied. Then, I drove straight to ball games, tried to feed the kids, bath times, collapsed in bed if I made it to bed. And it started all over. For three weeks straight. After just finishing the normal Spring semester.

Anyways, I always take something with me from these mini - lessons. I know that because of this, I will look closer at each child and their abilities. I will look at the big picture when assigning some stupid grade. Grades are harmful to those who struggle. Again, the power to "make or break." That is what power teachers have.

What to do?

THIS IS A CRANKY POST... MORE FOR ME JUST TO WRITE.
I AM IN "A MOOD"

Do you ever feel overwhelmed, like there is so much to do, that you don't know where to start?

I do.

I feel like I have so many responsabilities. One day a couple of weeks ago, I got upset in class because I knew my kids were at home with long, nasty fingernails. I usually clip them on Sunday - anal, I know *but when you are a stay at home mom what else is there to think about* - anyways, I knew I was behind.

And it drives me nuts.

Add that to the pile of bathtimes, laundry, a dirty kitchen, a ton on snow, bills that need to be paid, well.... See, I feel overwhelmed.

More, you say? Well, I have more.

• Science fair projects for the kids,
• I HAVE A MIDTERM ON WEDNESDAY!
• I work full time
• A cranky teenager with a dramatic girlfriend
• Did I mention that I work full time where I go to church? Well, that means when I go to church, I am kinda at work again.
• Dirty sheets that need washing, no milk in the fridge - should we go organic? -
• What is for dinner tonight, tomorrow, all next week?
• Emma is having tummy trouble and has a stomach ache all the time - so now, add in doctors visits,
• Tripps sippy is broken
• Emma and Tripp's rooms are a disaster
• I don't even look at Eli's room.
• The couch in the living room broke
• Edward won't give in to Bella and JUST BITE HER
• I don't have time to exercise
• I have consumed my own weight in cupcakes this week (that is alot of cupcakes!)
• A bag of dirty dishtowels that were left at church that I have to take home and wash and make sure they get back to the right spot
• Communionware wasn't washed from Sunday night - "why didn't you get it, Mel?"

Well, I think I have made myself feel worse. But now I have a checklist.

Sorry if you made it this far. If you wanna come clip fingernails, let me know.

Random Ranting and Crazy Thoughts.

I guess I am at a blogging standstill. Here are some random happenings and thoughts that I am having lately:

• I was unhappy in class this morning. I didn't want to be there. I kept yawning. I can't wait until it is bedtime tonight.
• Last night, Eli came and laid down with me and Dave. He stayed in with us for about an hour. That kid is a goof ball. If Dave would have let him, he would have got under the covers and slept with us. I am not kidding.
• Reality hit me last night that my time with Eli is limited. He will be fourteen next week. In three years, we will be doing college applications. We will be thinking about him moving to the dorms. He is already thinking about it. It is a downhill slide from here.
• I am not sure how I got to the point from having a sweet newborn baby with cute little elf ears to having a six foot tall teenager that wears men's jeans (31X32). Seriously, it happened in the blink of an eye.
• If I close my eyes, I can still smell the newborn baby smell. I can see his little fuzzy white hair and his scrawny little body. I see his perfectly formed newborn mouth.
• I will be 35 in May. I was 20 years old when Eli was born. Technically, I could be a grandma. There were several girls in my school that had babies at age 14, age 15 and age 16. If I would have had a baby at 14, that child would be 20. I would probably be a grandma. So, somewhere out there, there are women my age with grandchildren.

I just depressed myself. I need drugs. :)

I love that kid. I don't want him to go, yet I want him to get to do cool stuff. Last night, it was still Harvard. I asked him, "Eli, what do you want to do with your life?" He said, "Well, I was thinking about being a doctor and running a company."

Good combo, Eli.

Non-Crunchy Mommy?

A couple of days ago, I ventured out to the big city by myself for a couple of hours. I had to go pick up a few things and do a couple of Christmas returns. Emma is growing so fast, she needed some long sleeved tops for school... anyways, it was a mad dash, but I got most everything done.

My Story -

So, I am standing in line at Wal Mart and there is a lady in front of me. She had two children with her - a baby in the shopping cart and a little girl who was about four.

As she completed her order, I noted that she was digging out her coupons for all items. Loads of coupons. And I looked at her remaining items on the belt - organic eggs, organic milk, Mom's choice whole wheat, whole grain cereal (one box only!), whole wheat shoes, organic tube socks... well, you get the picture, right?

I looked at the lady, her kids and her stuff. How does she do it?

One of my favorite bloggers talked about not using or liking processed foods and not feeding her family processed foods, yet, I feel great if I can open two cans of vegetables for dinner per night or get them outta the frozen food section at Food Lion. If you don't make mac n' cheese and chicken nuggets from a bag, then what do you eat?

And really, how does this lady only buy one box of cereal? Not only am I in awe of that, how does she get her kids to eat cereal that doesn't sport a cartoon character on the front? I am thrilled when my children choose Mini Wheats in the morning...

So I guess what I am saying is that there are some moms who can get it all done... well, I am thrilled when my children are clean, with brushed teeth, matching socks (not the pink ones for Tripp anymore!) and they have drank some milk, ate some yogurt, and maybe some fruits and veggies. I guess I should be more concerned to see where the milk came from (maybe the cow should be organic) and I should care if my eggs came from organic chickens.

But I don't.

I am thankful that they actually eat food.

In the mornings, it is a mad dash. We have frozen waffles wrapped in paper towels handed off to each child as we walk out the door. I put them in the toaster as the kids put their shoes on.

Should I be making fresh pannacakes with fresh fruit at 5:30 a.m?

I really don't know where I am going with this.

Yes, and please, and thank you.

Manners, anyone?
****

As parents, we teach our kids manners from birth. How RUDE, some adults say, when kids do not say thank you for a gift. My boys are taught to hold the door for women. I teach all my kids to look people in the face when they speak to you. I tell Eli that if he is going to be late, make the phone call. Emma, no burping without saying excuse me. Tripp, don't fart in my face. Go to the bathroom.

***

EPIPHANY - I figured out that in life -you don't owe anyone anything. You do things out of kindness. When favors become necessities, it takes away the joy and makes it a burden.

***

Then, why, as adults, don't we practice what we preach?

***

I just heard a story. My little brother (almost 30) had some tickets to a concert. Due to his little boy getting the H1N1R2D2 flu thing, he was unable to go. Wow. $200 worth of tickets, purchased SIX months ago... He gave them to my older brother and his wench. The wench picked them up.... Guess what she said? NOTHING. No thanks, can I pay you something? No NOTHING.

***

How Rude, right?

***

People take advantage all the time. I hear it, see it, smell it and taste it daily.

***

My kids throw trash BESIDE the trash can. No worries, mom will fix it. I am supposed to fix it. To a certain extent. But Eli, at the tender age of 13, has to have some responsibility about him. Dave was more firm with Eli - he taught him to do his laundry at a ten, he is responsible for picking up his clothes. He makes his own snacks, and just recently he sold mums to pay for a Beta Club trip.

***

Why do we push responsibility and manners on our children, yet we can't follow thru as adults?

***

Why do we make excuses for adults? Some people say that it is the wench's "personality." You know what she is. Just accept it. My mother is a nut. Just accept it.

***

But do I have to subject myself to it? No. Yes. Maybe So.

A cranky working mommy.

you really know that it is a crazy day when one kid falls down the slide steps at the pool, one kid gets stung ON THE EAR by a wasp, and you get a phone call to come home and wipe a butt - ALL WITHIN AN HOUR.

Guess what happened to whom?

I think I am going to r.u.n.n.o.f.t.

Ugh. What a stupid weekend to finish up a stupid week. If you are looking for a positive and upbeat letter about love, life and happiness and expect chirping birds to be flying overhead, you are in the wrong place.

All I want right now is some sushi and some peace and quiet outta this house.

Ever feel overloaded? Well, I am it. IT. OVERLOADED.

I have so much to do and no where to start.

I am absolutely miserable.

School, work, kids, ladies day, church food group coordinator, RTL president, wife, mother, sister, upkeeper of my father... the list goes on and on.

I know that I will be all happy and chirpy tomorrow morning... heck, maybe in a couple of hours this will go away. Birds will be singing, butterflies will be floating all around me, kids will joyously behave and my husband will be full of love and admiration once again.

But right now, I am going to r.u.n.n.o.f.t.

Friday night follies.

Is this not the sweetest face ever? I took this picture about 20 minutes ago. I love this kid so much. His eyelashes kill me. His sweet cheeks make me want to just eat them up. And he has the pookiest lips in the whole world.

In other news, Emma is a READER. She told me tonight that she could read this book. And, boy can she. I have sat thru this one, as well as two others. She read all 50'ish pages. I am so proud of her. What a super smart girl. And she is just so enthusiastic about learning.



I would have a picture of Eli here - but he has been at the movies. That is a teenager for ya.

Here is Dave and Tripp doing what they do best on a lazy Friday night. After a 2 week hiatus, we have eased back into our Friday night couch naps. Emma and Mallie are watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl while I am supposed to be doing homework.

Homework. Ah, homework. Ugh. I am about fed up. I have a huge vent. It has been eating at me ALL.Day.long.

I am at the end of basic courses...yada...yada...yada. This semester I have Geography 105 - online. This teacher has turned the basic geography class into a political class. I have had to discuss many topics that I usually wouldn't discuss... for example Obama/the racist factor.... immigration/who belongs here and who doesn't... genocide/what constitutes the definition... and so on. After waiting 2 weeks for a grade on a grueling all day midterm that I deemed ridiculous, I FINALLY got my grade this morning. Dude gave me a 66/100. He told me I should google "How to write an essay" and that if I needed any help with my writing, I should email him and he would be glad to help me. He also said that abortion does not qualify as a genocide because the baby is not a baby - just a blastocyst. I have steered clear of voicing my opinions because I figured out early on that he was much too liberal to respect my Conservative beliefs. Now that I have voiced my views, is he going to give me a bad grade because we don't think alike? I think it is happening.

First off, online classes cost much more than "regular" classes. Add this factor in with the fact that I am an adult and I have to "set the example" for my kids... well, this is alot of "encouragement" to do well in school. So far, I haven't really had any problems making the grade.

My problem is this... could/should I tell him that he is a jerk? No, I can't. All I can do is wait until I finish this semester and give him the teacher review he deserves. I don't have an issue that he is not pro life/conservative/Republican. I do have an issue with him being disrespectful and condescending in the times that I have emailed him.. he is a sarcastic ass on many, many levels.

POINT TO MY KIDS- finish college before you are older than the teachers and before you have became an actual adult. That way, you won't have to bite your tongue when some arrogant teacher is on a power trip and has the authority to cost you six months of time and $500 because of a difference in opinion.

So, for now, I have to keep my mouth shut and try to finish this class without calling him a sarcastic ass.

I'm not worth much at all.

I came home for lunch today. As I stopped and checked the mail, I scanned thru the assorted envelopes to see if we had won a million dollars, or if anyone had mailed us a huge check. What I found was a letter from the Social Security Administration. While tearing it open, I had visions in my head of what I was going to do with all the money they were returning after mistakenly taking it from me over the years.

What I found out was that I am pretty much worthless.

I have been a stay at home mom for the last 9'ish years. Oh, I may have worked a "real" job on and off... I spent 4 years at the Y watching other people's children. I gave birth - twice in under two years, mind you. I have rocked my babies, cleaned vomit, wiped noses, sat up all night with a crying child who had a 105 degree fever. I have cleaned butts, listened to sob stories, fixed breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. I changed 1,209,863 diapers. I hugged, I kissed, I tickled and I sang. But, that is not a real job.


These tasks are not considered to be worth any money. See, I found out today that IF I met an untimely death, my sweet husband would only get $583 a month. He couldn't even feed these kids with that. And, IF I so happen to make it to age 62, my retirement will be a whopping $210 a month. I will be age 62 in the year 2037. Imagine the economy. That is going to be a tank of gas. Or a Big Mac.

So, I am not really worth anything. But, someone tell me this. Why couldn't I get retirement on mothering? Should I not get any retirement for choosing to stay at home and raising productive citizens? How about a quarter a diaper? Or a dollar bonus for every doctors visit?

Isn't mothering the most important - and most difficult - job in the universe? It sure is, but it will not get you retirement. All I get is a paper in the mail that says that when I am old, I will be broke. I guess that is why my kids better be productive. I am going to have to live with them.