It's Football Time in TN!

Ugh.
School starts in two weeks.
I can't wait for some serious structure and routine for the kiddos.

Football season is here.


Not only is Dave coaching middle school, Eli is playing high school football. And we also have a kid in fall soccer. That is going to be alot of juggling. Dave's practices are from 3-5 p.m. and games are on Tuesday and/or Thursday. Eli practices - well, I don't really know when. But I am sure it will be every day. And as we all know, high school football games are on Friday nights.

Wait, while I am on the subject, let me tell ya how scary football is for me.

For some reason, it scares me to see Eli out on the field. I guess partly because he kicks, and when he plays, it is all on him. Also, he is so thin, and he is my baby boy, so the thought of those big, fat kids tackling him sends me into hyperventilating and sweating.

OMG.

It doesn't scare me when he plays soccer. Just football.

Oh, he also made the high school soccer team last week. That is pretty cool.

So, I am going to comfort myself with the fact that he is a freshman, and freshman don't get to start in football.

Random Thoughts and Various Happenings - Bullet Style!

School is back in session! Since I don't like to have to work at blogging (it is too much like writing a paper for school if I over analyze) I am not going to try to transition my thoughts. Here they are- easy to write - easy to read - in bullet style format! (I wish my teachers would take papers like this instead of insisting on MLA or APA...)

• Yesterday was the long day of the week... it ended up easier than I imagined, yet I was exhausted by the end of the night.
• The kids are still not getting in bed like I would hope. We are, for some reason, feeling the need to try to do some things with them. We went to a basketball game on Tuesday night. Tonight, Tech plays Austin P. - that would be fun....
• Eli's 14th birthday is coming up. I always think alot about when he was born this time of year... I think about how I felt 14 years ago this month, how I had no idea what was about to happen to me, the anticipation of waiting on my first child, my plans I had for the future...
• We are still van shopping. Last time we bought a van, six years ago, it took us about a month. We drove an '08 yesterday. But man, is it hard committing.
• On my drive home from school last night, I realized that the last four vehicles that I have owned were dark blue... now my van now is kinda purple tinted, but is often mistaken for a dark blue color. The van I drove yesterday? Well, it was navy blue also. There is a silver one that is identical.
• The anniversary of Roe v. Wade is tomorrow. I know that not everyone is pro-life, but think of this... it is so hard to imagine. Since 1972, 52 MILLION babies have been aborted in the United States. When I think of this number, I think of how upset everyone still is over 9-11 (and rightly, they should be) - that number was 2,895. Yet, we, as a nation cannot gather courage to voice outrage at the 52 million innocent children lost. Children, people. Come on.

I guess I will close on that one.

Friday, YEAH!

It has been a long week. This was my last week of freedom, and I have tried to ignore the fact that I start school on Monday. Waaa!

I have been sick with a mystery virus that I received as a gift from my sweet neice. I am congested, hot, cold and miserable. Very yucky. At one point, I coulda sworn yesterday that this MUST be what the swine flu feels like.

I would like to go home early today. I am finished with my stuff.

We have no plans for the weekend and it feels great.
Cause on Monday, all hell is going to break loose.

Mommy Guilt.

Mothers feel guilty for everything.

Its True!

I have asked around, and it seems as though it is not just me.

I am guilty for the following:
1. I let the kids stay up too late.
2. The toilets where they pee are not clean enough.
3. The clothes they wear are not folded to perfection in their dresser drawers.
4. I don't have fresh baked cookies every day.
5. I play on the internet.
6. Lunchboxes don't match backpacks.
7. Sometimes I yell.
8. I am not skinny.
9. I need to play barbies.
10. I need to play matchbox cars.

See what I mean? Mother guilt sucks.

Imagine my self destruction that started last night when we found a song on the Taylor Swift CD called "The Best Day" - My little kids proclaim that every day is "The Best Day of MY LIFE" everytime they get a happy meal, I bake brownies, I give extra kisses, or a double episode of Spongebob comes on.

Here is the lyrics to the song. I encourage you to google it, watch the video on CMT, listen to the song.

I’m 5 years old
It’s getting cold out
Got my big coat on
I hear your laugh
And look up at smilin at you
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home
I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall oh oh
But I know you’re not scared of anything at all oh oh
Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I’m 13 now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight
And grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop til I forgotten
All their names

I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school uh uh
But I know I’m laughin in the car ride home with you uh uh
Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay
but I know I had the best day
With you, today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he’s better than nothin

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had .. The Best Days with you

There is a video I found
From back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you’re talkin’ to me
It’s the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
My Daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why the all the trees change in the fall oh oh
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m takin’ this chance to say
I had the best day
With you, today


It makes my insides turn inside out, I have to vomit, I spontaneously cry and convulse. I am so stupid that I downloaded it and have listened to it ALL DAY. I want to go get my babies from those schools and go play barbies and cars, bake brownies and lock myself in the house for a week.

Happy and sad.

I don't handle change well. At all.



Today, I took Tripp to school. Eli went to school. That just left me with Emma - for now.



Today, she asked me for cuddle time. We cuddled. I brushed her hair back from her face. I look at how the shape of her face is changing, her hair is growing, her arms and legs are getting longer, more rounded like a big girl. Her attitude is moving toward that of a big girl. She thinks about things. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This morning, as I went to wake Tripp up for school, I lay in his bed with him. I noticed that his fingers have lost their chubby-ness, his face is thinner. I whispered to him to wake him up. I told him that it was his first school day. He was a big boy. And we said a school day prayer. Without opening his eyes, he turned over and wrapped his little arms around my neck. I kissed his soft cheeks and I thought about the first time I held him, of the many hours that I spent rocking him. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This week, Eli started 8th grade. As I dropped him off at the front door, I thought about his first day of kindergarten - about how I walked him in, hugged him and kissed his little cheeks (always both sides) before I left. I remember what he wore that day. I watched him walk in to the middle school, his last year there. He carried his football equipment, his new black backpack, and a sense of confidence. He walked with his shoulders back, with a happy stride. I was sad - but really, really proud of this boy who is growing up.

My last day.

Today is the last day that I have with my small kids.
Tomorrow, Tripp goes to Pre-K.
Then, the following day, Emma starts her real kindergarden year.

All week, these kids have been at work with me. Grandma is out of town, David is working.

I listen to them playing. Right now, they are playing a game where Tripp is going to his girlfriend's house and Emma is going to pick him up after she texts him. They have "cellphones" and are taking pictures of each other. Wouldn't it be nice to be so carefree?

Starting tomorrow, they are going to make new friends. They are going to have new adventures. They will have new stories to tell. Their days will not be with each other anymore. I know they were separated last year, but that was by choice. I can't help but feel a little sad at the fact that they are growing up so quickly.

Instead of working, I would like to go home and lay in the floor, and play matchbox cars and barbies and eat happy meals. I think I might cry later. Or now.

8th grade.

Today, I took Eli and I dropped him off for 8th grade.



He had his backpack, and his football bag with all his stuff in it.



He wore plaid shorts and a blue tshirt and black socks and Nike shoes.



I am really enjoying this kid. He is so funny, so witty. I love his personality, I love how he loves people and how affectionate he is. He likes to laugh, to tell jokes, to be lazy - all at the same time.

I asked him if he was a happy teenager. He said yes, except that Emma and Tripp bug him.

I can't wait to see what he does with his life.

School Registration.

Yesterday, I took all the kids and registered them for school. I observed some things:

1. This is Eli's last year at the middle school. We had to go to the end table reserved for 8th graders. Whhhaa! Next year, we will be at the high school.

2. Emma is re-doing kindergarten. She isn't extremely happy about it, but last night, at the parent teacher meeting, she walked around like she owned the place. And she got a great teacher who is super structured. And I knew the majority of parents in the room. Maybe this means Emma won't learn this year that some kids' parents are in jail and they have to live with grandparents?

3. Tripp is going off to Pre-K. As I looked around his nice, fresh classroom, I was thankful for the upgrades in technology. But, as I observed the parents in his room, he will learn more about jail time and drug use. *Tripp was apprehensive going in - he actually cried that morning. But, once we got there and he saw the computers, he was ready to stay.

4. I am apprehensive for ALL of my children. I always get nervous at the beginning of a schoolyear. What if they don't get along with their teacher? What if kids are mean to them? What if they struggle with work? Then, I remember, If I am scared for them, will they be scared? They seem fine.

5. I start a new school on August 29. I am scared for myself. My fees for college have doubled. That is scary in itself. And, I am going to have to hang out with big kids.

Procrastination...

It seems as if there is something that I am the queen of.... procrastinating.
I seem to work better under pressure. I have a unit due tomorrow in Geometry.
Yet, I decide to write on the blog that I love so, so much.

I was talking with a friend last night and she "suggested" to me that when I am upset about something, that I write a letter. She used the example of how she writes her mate an uplifting letter when she is not feeling that uplifted by him at that moment.

Since I am full of procrastination, and hesitation, and wishing for inebriation, I think I will write myself a letter.

Dear Mel,

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are OK.
Start praying harder for a balance. And remember, God knows what is in your heart.
He knows that you need help. And He loves you more than you know or understand. It will be OK. One day this will all be over. It will be a distant blur, kinda like when the kids were little and you had two of 'em in diapers and felt like a milk cow. And you will look back on all this with fond memories. And it will be nice to be able to tell the kids how you finished school, it only took 15 years, but you made it.

I love you,
Me

Wait. Now that I read this, it does exactly what it is NOT supposed to do. It throws subliminal messages at the recipient. It hints at anger, and agression and dissatisfaction. Oh, well. I tried.

behind in school. so i am blogging instead of studying.

I am taking a dumb, dumb, math class this semester. Geometry, to be exact.

Now, tell me, what business does a thirty-four year old mother of three have taking a Geometry class. online. in the summer. ?

For some reason, the college diploma gods think that I need this class to get that pretty little piece of paper that I covet.

I wish they would change their minds.

Of course, this is no different than what I go thru every.semester.

Every semester, I complain of the difficulty of specific classes. MATH classes, in particular. Really only these math classes that are so, so hard for me. I think I have a math disability.

I told Dave last night that if it was an English class, I could just whiz thru it. I guess that is why I took all my English/writing classes first.

If I don't get caught up, I will have to drop this class.
Off to study.

a dedicated student.

Only two days of school left for Eli and Emma.

Today, Emma's class was rewarded for good behaviour. They got a late-afternoon ice cream sundae party! It was important to her that I come over. I went right as the party was supposed to start and I got to help get things in order.

I explained to Emma that due to the time, I was going to sign her out because I could not leave work again at 2:30 to come pick her up. That was fine, she said. We were going to spend time together, by ourselves.

WRONG.

As we gathered her backpack, the tears started rolling. She wanted to stay, she told me. She wanted to be a pick up, she told me. I explained, again, why she had to go with me. She cried. Snot flowed. And every teacher in the building came out as we walked down the hallway - they wanted to know why she was crying. What could be wrong with Emma? How can I explain that my five year old daughter likes to follow the rules and has a love of consistancy? How do I explain that she is a type A personality?

I thought that the fit would never end. The crying went on for about 30 minutes - AFTER we got back to my office.

This is not the first time this has happened. Once before, no, twice before, I have went to get her, and she has changed her mind. I am so thankful for her independance, and I love how she knows her mind. But, I would like her to be able to bend the rules just a little.

A New School.

I am so conflicted. I am torn. What does a mother do?

I have been attending the local college for some time now. And, as my father in law has said, "There are no more classes for you to take, Mel. You have took every one they have."

How true that is. I am out of classes. So this morning, I ventured out to the "big school." I went to Tennessee Tech. I finally got all my paperwork in and got accepted. I had an appointment with my advisor this morning. She was super nice. But she scared the hell outta me.

Lots of words that I have heard - but never used, I might add - were used this morning. Phrases such as "student teaching" "Praxis 1 and 2" and upper division were spoken in a conversation pertaining to my situation. My advisor was sweet enough to register me for 13 (!) hours in the fall.

For an example, just imagine this -- on Thursday night, I will be in class from 4 p.m. to 8:50 p.m.
This is in addition to my 40 hour work week. And in addition to three kids. What's up with this?

I called my mother in law - who happens to be in Vegas - and I told her my story. I spent about 20 minutes of her vacation time trying to figure out how I am going to weave my way thru kids, work and a degree. She, of course, always offers her help. And, she is such a help to me. Sometimes, I think I use her as my private cheerleader. She really encourages me to go on.

So, boys and girls, if you need to see an example of someone who struggles with trying to receive an education while having a family, come to my house. This is sure to be an adventure. Dirty laundry and all.

Harshing the Mello. (or maybe Mellow)

Eli came to Emma's school to read to Grades K to 4 yesterday. Both Dave and myself were there also, as we were asked to read some super Dr. Suess for Read Across America day.

As Eli was walking down the hall with his class, I joined him. Most of the 7th graders said hi. I have known these kids since kindergarden. Eli told me to go on - I was "harshing his mellow."


I still got some good pictures.


Emma was a "Thing" - see the blue hair?




Eli reading to Emma.

Daddy came by to read.