Questions I Don't Want to Answer.

Here are some things I have heard recently:

1. Hey Mom, What does SEX mean?



2. What is GAY?



3. How do babies get out?



4. What does it mean when you do this? (sticking up the middle finger)

Needless to say, these are things I am not ready for. I have had to answer these, and tread lightly, giving minimal information.

Would you like to know my answers?

Sure you would. Here we go.

1. So I said, "What do you think it means?" and Emma replied, "Wellll, Sally asked her daddy and he said it means if you are a boy or a girl. You usually check it on a paper for school so they will know what you are." Horray for Sally's daddy! I bypassed that and I would have never thought of it. Feel free to borrow :)

2. Again, this wonderful questions came from Emma as we were driving through Nashville the other day. I wondered what she had just saw. I asked "Why?" and she replied, "Just tell me, already." So I reverted back to when Eli was in 3rd grade, and he refused to sing, "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" for Veteran's Day Program at school because Johnny would be gay. And I said, "It means HAPPY". Emma replied, "Tammy's mom said it meant something different - something bad." And I said, "Oh, Emma! Look! It's Toys-R-US!"

3. This question came from all three -Emma, Mallie and Tripp - as Aunt Terri was having our new baby Adaline. After listening to various comments that included a "door in the belly that a baby can open" and Tripp's answer - "Momma's poop babies out of their butts", I answered with "Momma's have a special place for babies to come out." And that ended it with two of them. But not Emma. So we had a mini -conversation of where that special place is located.

4. This one came from Tripp, while I was in the Verizon store, upgrading my phone, sitting at the counter. We were the only customers in there - with three workers who thought my kids were "the cutest things ever". Until Tripp stuck his middle finger up at every one of them as he asked loudly. I took him to the car as they were programming my new phone. He tried to run from me. I swatted at him and I missed. He then told them that I smacked him in the head. And for the record I didn't but I felt like it. :) Not only did my sweet boy flip people off, his momma hurt him. Needless to say, he was grounded when he got home.

Conversations.

From Tripper.
At the Dairy Queen.

"Hey Mother. Did you know that if someone hurts you, they pop your personal bubble?"

I have no comment to that. Really.

Conversations.

Tonight, I let the kids put on their bathing suits and play in the tub. They had a new Spongebob squirty thing, and that lasted every bit of three minutes.

Then, they played, and splashed water out all over the floor.
Next thing I heard was, "I babatize you for the remission of your sins."
Tripper had decided to "babatize" Emma. I guess she needed it.

Following that, Emma took her turn and babatized Tripp.
I heard, "I babatize you for the remission of your sins. I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Funnies.

Last night, after everyone was bathed and teeth were brushed and clean p.j.'s were put on, my little Emma and Tripp went to the Christmas tree and got down on their hands and knees.

My children got down and prayed.

I asked them what they were doing. Tripp says, "We are saying our Christmas prayers." I asked him, "Well, who are you praying to?" And Tripp says, "We are praying to Santa. Emma wants a puppy and for her family to have a good Christmas. I just want a kitty."

Mixed up, much?

Conversations.

More Emma Conversations -

Last night, I was studying and Emma comes up and says, "Mommy, when I am a Mom and I am in school, will I like it?" Before I had a chance to reply she says (to herself),"No, I won't. Because I won't be in school when I am a Mommy. I already know how hard it is."

Ouch.

Earlier in the day, she and Tripp were playing house. Her converstation to him (he was the kid and she was the parent) goes like this: "Tripp, you have to hurry up. We have to get home because I have lots of homework to do and I have tests to take."

Ouch X 2

Conversations.

Setting: Emma and I are lying in the floor talking.
Tripp is sleeping.
We need to wake him up.
We both don't want to.

Emma: Momma, What time is Tripp gonna get up?

Me: Well, Emma, we probably need to go get him up now.

Emma: Why, Momma? It is just gonna start all over again.

Me: What, the crying?

Emma: (nods, looks sad)

Me: Emma, to tell you the truth, you kinda pick at him and make him cry. And he doesn't feel good. You are being mean to him.

Emma: I was mean to him BEFORE he had the flu.

At least she is honest.

Kid stories.

#1.
I was driving the kids to school this morning... and for some reason, I felt the need to express my excitement about my kids lives - to them.

So, I look at Eli and I said, "Eli, aren't you just excited about your life? You have so many great things that is going to happen!"

And Eli replied, "I guess."

So then I said, "No, really, Eli. Wonderful things are in your future. For example, I know that next year you are going to high school. And you are going to do great! Then, you will get a scholarship to college and you will go out and study and make friends. Then, you will graduate college and just fall into a wonderful job. THEN, one night, you will be out with a group of guys, and you will meet a girl and you will know that she is the ONE. You will fall in love, and you will be so excited to spend the rest of your life with her. You will get married to her, and travel, and do things. And one day, you both will decide it is time to have children. Then, you will become a Daddy, and it will be the greatest thing in your life. EVER."

And Eli looked at me and said, "Am I a pick up today?"

#2
Tripp learned to make fart noises with his mouth. And it makes him laugh. Alot.

#3
At dinner tonight, Emma snapped her fingers and said, "Oh no, you did-unt."

Oh yes, she did.

Conversations.

This Weekend.

Sam's Club.

Emma.

Setting: Dave was working on getting a new/different card. Eli was playing a game. I was trying to occupy Emma and Tripper. There was this AMAZING movie on the big T.V. screen. (I found out later that it was Disney Wild or something like that.) This movie showed polar bears, lions in the wild, dolphins, whales, sharks, well, you get the picture. The kids stood there for 10-15 minutes, ohhhh-ing and aaaahhhh-ing over this movie.

A big shark jumps up and eats a seal (well, this is what I think. Something got ate by a big fish)

Emma: Oh, NO! Did you see that! That poor baby seal!

Me: Emma, that is the circle of life (I borrowed that from the Lion King :) ) That is how we all
survive. It is the same as us - you eat chicken legs. Where do they come from?

Emma: (TOTALLY SUPRISED) CHICKENS!

Me: Yes, and where do you think that hamburger comes from? It comes from a cow.

Emma: Oh, so I KNOW what you are going to tell me next. I know where hot dogs come from - dogs, right? Well, I am never eating a hot dog again!

Me: laughing. laughing. laughing.

Emma: POOR HARLEY!

Conversations.

Setting: The Van
Chidren Involved: Emma and Tripp

Visualization: We are in the driveway, getting ready to buckle up so we can go to work. Kids are in the back of the van.(I make Emma buckle Tripp up so I don't have to climb in the back of the van. I am lazy that way, OK?)Tripp decides to try it for himself! Yey!!!

This is a day I have dreamed of FOR YEARS... everyone can buckle their own seatbelt.

Conversation goes something like this:

Tripp: Emma, I want to do it mysef!!
Emma: OK Tripp, just try! You've got to want it! You've got to want it!!

(Tripp reaches his little hand around the buckle. He pushes it into the claspy thing. Tripp snaps the buckle closed!)

Tripp: Emma, I did it! All by mysef!
Emma: See, Tripp, I told you, you have to want it!

Conversations.

Today, I took the kids with me to work... Tripp was feeling really rambunctious, which is not unusual. After running wide open in the church and being scolded several times, I took him to the bathroom. I stood him on the counter and I told him to look at me. in the eyes.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Tripp, you look at me when I am talking to you.
Tripp: yes, yes ma'am.
Me: Tripp, I want to know why you don't listen to me when I tell you to stop. I want you to calm down. Now, tell me why you don't listen to me.
Tripp: Well, it is just my brain.
Me: What does your brain do?
Tripp: It tells me not to listen.

What am I gonna do with this kid?

Innocence.

I would like to keep my kids pure from the bad things in the world, but no matter how much I want it, it is just not gonna happen.

Let's talk about the subject of death, for instance.

Just a couple of weeks ago, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, we were riding thru our small little town. It just so happens that that there was a dead dog in the road over by the DGM (Dollar General Market). So Emma says to me, TWICE, "Hey Mom, what is that in the road?" I avoided her questions, in fact, I pretended she didn't even speak. The third time she asks, as we are leaving the DGM, "HEY MOM, WHAT IS THAT THING IN THE ROAD?" I quietly answer, "a dog." She says to me, "well, is he taking a nap? But why would he go to sleep in the road?" I just said, quietly again, "no, he's not asleep" hoping to leave it at that. Did that work? No. She said in a very strained voice, "is he dead?" And so I answered with a quiet "yes."

This conversation went on and on. Tripp became involved. Why would people run over animals? Why did the dog have to die? Did he go to heaven? What if Harley-Charley died? We would miss him so much. Does everyone remember the kitten that Mommy ran over (last YEAR) and his head was squished and his tongue was hanging out?

I get sad that my children are having to learn that bad things happen in the world. I would like them to keep up the idea of sunshine, flowers and rainbows. But it is not going to happen. Just recently, we also discussed divorce. Why do people get divorced? What does that mean? Why wouldn't mommies and daddies stay married? Wouldn't their kids be sad? Are you and Daddy going to get divorced?

Ugh.

Just a couple of days ago, following a family dinner with a family who really doesn't talk much, (mine, by the way) Emma and Tripp noticed that everyone went outside to smoke after dinner. They know the basics about smoking being bad for you, turning your lungs black, and that type of thing. But they never realised that one of their aunt's smoked. As we were pulling away from the party, Tripp asks, "Did you tell them that their lungs will turn black and that they will die? Roll the window down and tell them." Um, no Tripp, I didn't tell them. They know."


So, I guess it is just sad when the kids start to know things aren't always peachy. Eli, of course, knows things. I have already been thru things with him. It has just been so long ago that I forgot how bad it felt when he started becoming knowlegeable about worldly things.

It makes me want to lock them up in the house.




**** DISCLAIMER - as a former smoker, I try to keep my mouth shut to smokers. I would love to smoke, but the fact is, I am an addict. I am addicted to cigarettes. So I don't smoke at all. I am just sad when people do smoke, cause it is the hardest thing in the world to quit.

Conversations.

The scene: Tripp is in my office. We are working on learning the letters of the alphabet. I am explaining to him that he has to learn his A,B,C's. He is resisting my teaching.

Me: "Tripp, you have to learn to write these."
Tripp: "I don't want to."

So, we keep writing, and he actually can do them by himself!

The deal with Tripp is, well, he seems to be ambidextrous. As he writes, he switches from right hand to left. So I ask him this.

Me: "Tripp, which hand feels better? The right hand or the left hand?"
Tripp: "No hands."

Later on that morning, Tripp is talking with a lady from our congregation who has a sick horse. He thinks it is funny. I tell him that "no, it is not funny. What if Harley was sick? What if Harley went to heaven? Would that be funny?"

Tripp says, "Well, where is horse heaven at?"

middle of the week. and i am still not sleeping.

I always think about what kind of song is matching up with my life at the time.. kind of like a theme song. Right now, I am back to Matchbox 20 "Three AM." I am having huge sleeping issues, so I am so very, very tired right now. I have a hard time getting up in the morning.


Tripp goes to Vanderbilt on Friday morning. We are starting over - and redo-ing the initial cystic fibrosis test. These new test results should be in by 1 p.m. on Friday. Then, I can get back to normal.

I am also going to bargin for a stop at the Mt. Juliet Target. I am laying my chips on the table, Dave. Are you picking up what I am throwing at ya?

Here are some pick-me-up facts... stuff I don't want to forget.
1. Emma LOVES swiss cheese - the cheese with the holes in it.
2. Tripp asked me if me and his Daddy went on dates and were boyfriend and girlfriend before we were a mommy and a daddy.
3. Tripp also told me after school today that he was "going to tell me a story that would give me nightmares."
4. Tripp won't kiss me with lipstick on.. in fact, every time I ask for a kiss, he asks me,"do you have lipstick on?"
5. Eli gave me the rights to a public hug and kiss for mother's day. I cashed it in while he was with a group of his friends.

See, doesn't these facts make you feel better? They make me feel great.

Conversations.

This morning. I am driving all the kids to school. I have three different stops before I make it to work. The discussion goes something like this.

Emma: "Momma, please, please walk me in to class."
Me: "Emma, I still have Tripp in the van. You can walk in by your self. I will watch you."
Emma: "We can leave him in the van. It will just take a minute."
Me: "Emma, we cannot leave Tripp in the van. You can run in like a big girl."

So, Emma turns to Tripp and says:

"Tripp, would you like to be alone?"

Conversations.

Me: Hey Tripp, your birthday is coming up soon. What kind of party do you think you would like?

Tripp: I want a Pirate Party.

Dave: Would that be a Somolian Pirate party or a regular pirate party?

Funny Sayings.

So here are some strange -but true - sayings from the kids this week.

Tripp

The setup - Eli had parent-teacher conference on Tuesday. We visited all teachers. At the end, we see the Homeroom teacher, who's name happens to be Mrs. Jackson. Does anyone know a song about Mrs. Jackson? Tripp does. On the way out the door, Dave says, "Thanks Mrs. Jackson."

Tripp says, "Sorry Mrs. Jackson, whhooooo."

We about died. With laughter.

How about another Tripp story?

The setup- church on Sunday morning. We are leaving. Going thru the big doors in the front. A man is standing there with a scratch/red bloody injury on his forehead.

Tripp looks at the guy and says, "Hey Phil, you look funny with that red dot on your head."

Dave doubled over. With laughter. It was funny. Really.

Got to love a three year old's honesty.

Emma
The setup - I am setting at the computer doing homework. For my stupid Geography class, I have to go a Google Earth paper. (If you ever get time, you should download Google Earth. The kids thought it was cool to play with.) So, what happens is that you put in the address of where you want to see or you can put in latitude and longitude numbers.
I am looking at somewhere I don't remember right now.

Emma comes up behind me and says, "Hey Mom - are you spying on Santa Claus?"

The setup - She, I, Dave and Tripp were playing on the bed last night. She likes to fart on command. And she likes to do it on people.

She says, "Hold on, I have to go pee where I can fart more."
She will hate me for this one.

Eli
Eli is 13. He is a teenager who likes girls and clothes and is dying for a cellphone. Nothing funny about him.

Body Image.

Had a talk about body image (in not so many words) with my FIVE YEAR OLD daughter a few days ago.

Here is the senerio. I am in the bathroom, doing something... fixing my makeup - I think. Anyways, Emma comes in. She is topless. She has jeans on. She looks at me and says, " I need to lose weight." So I say, "No, you don't. Why would you say that?" And she replies, " I don't like the way my body looks. My body looks funny."

I explained to her that she is beautiful, that God makes us all different, and the most important thing is that we are healthy.

The next day, she came downstairs and says, "Mom, I want to be a supermodel."

Ahh, a little girl with dreams.
She has since been praticing her walk, her turns, and her look.

Where does it come from. I have always been careful not to use the F A T word around her. I have always exersized - except for the past six months - but that is another blog in itself.
STILL, it is already about looks. How does it come to this? Is it from something as simple as me wearing makeup? Is it Hannah Montana and the Disney Channel? I wish someone can tell me why she doesn't understand - even though I say it over and over - you have to be pretty on the inside as well as the outside.

Hmmm.

Funny questions.

We had a new conversation.
It went something like this.

Emma: Mom, do cows pee milk?
Me: No
Emma: How does their milk come out?
Me: Well, they have cow boobies, they are called udders.
Emma: AAAHHH, Well, I am telling Macey.

Macey is a 7 year old (!) kindergartner in Emma's class. I won't say anymore about that - except that Macey is the girl that told Em about sticking her tongue in her boyfriend's mouth. But that is another post all by itself.

Conversations

Setting: Lunch after church

Family time - talking - laughter - bored kids.

Conversation goes like this -

Emma: Mom, will you raise me the way I need to be raised?

Me: What?!?! (Imagine me choking and sputtering)

Emma: I said, will you raise me the way I need to be raised?

Me: (not breathing right) ask your daddy.

Emma: Daddy, will you raise me the way I need to be raised?

Dave: Emma, how do you think you need to be raised?

Emma: Without spankings.

Dave: NO.

Crisis averted. Now, Emma knows whats coming to her.