Late at night...

and we are waiting on the storm. It is raining some and the weather looks horrible. I can't bring myself to go to bed cause a tornado will come, forshore, if I do.

Tomorrow is Friday and we are going to Gatlinburg for a Christian Youth Conference. Dave, and myself, and our five kids, and our niece Mallie, and nephew Tyler. I think we about make up our own youth group.

I am still counting down to the end of student teaching. It is flying by. The weeks are getting easier. I am glad that it just took some getting used to.

Boy, wouldn't I like a day off tomorrow to finish packing this stuff. I have the snack box ready, I just need to finish my makeup/toiletries bag and Emma's junk.

Eli's birthday is Monday. He will be fifteen. Boy, I sure love that kid. I guess I don't have to share his birth story here on my blog - AGAIN - but I can tell you this: I will spend Monday thinking about that sweet boy and really thinking about the fact that in three years he will be 18. Soon, in about four years, Dave and I will have only two kids at home. Michelle is going to the dorms and going to TTU next year; Eli wants to go to UT. Annie - well, I don't know what she will do. :)

More and more, I think about how I am going to feel after April 29. How I am going to feel on May 7- the day of my college graduation. I pick up my cap and gown on March 16. I am looking forward to the summer at home with all of my kids. We are going to the beach for a whole week. I am ready to stick my toes in the sand and relax!

School Update.

I have about 45 days of student teaching left. That is actual school days, not counting weekends.

Starting on Monday, I will begin teaching Reading and Spelling. I have been teaching Science for about three weeks now.

I am excited about it, but kind of apprehensive because it is in a class where the students are established in the teachers methods. When a student teacher takes over, students like to correct. It is hard to keep them on task. And then I worry about them failing.

I have been up since 6:30 this morning. I am a little stressed out about teaching something new, I guess. I don't really know my host teachers methods. We haven't been in school enough to have it down.

I feel ready to have my own class and do it my way without someone critiquing me all the time.

So here is to April 29- the last day of school for me. And hurry up May 7th, 2 p.m.

I am done.

Randomness.

It has been a long week. Here are some random pictures/stories from the past week or so.

Michelle - going to a sweet 16 party.

Super Dave and I going to watch "An Affair to Remember" at the library.

My sweet boy getting ready for the sweet 16 party.
Can you believe this kid will be 15 next week?

It makes me sick.

Eli and Michelle together - they had a great time.
I am glad they have the same friends.

Emma - lost her first front tooth.
She now has two more loose.
I can't believe how big she is getting.

I need to do a post on the new room that we are loving.

Furniture is in, siding is on.

Next project - the walkway!

Nuts.

I think I am nuts.

I am going to write all this out because I don't understand myself or my feelings. I think I am crazy.

Right now, I am sitting in Dave's just delivered recliner in my new family room addition that is not yet complete- we are still waiting on the siding. The furniture has been here for about an hour and a half.

Yet, all I can think about is that now I will have room for a pack and play.

I want a baby.

While I cannot physically give birth, I know from first hand experience that I can love through adoption. Because we are still involved with DCS, we are considered a foster home. We have never had a call to take any children. For the past six months or so, I have jokingly said that I would take a weekend baby (a baby waiting for placement - just for a few days). Dave automatically says NO! and please don't ask again. Lately, I have mentioned it more than a few times, so now it is just an ugly look that comes from him with no verbal response whatsoever.

Goodness, do I ever understand his reasoning. Five kids. Three teenagers. School. Store. Football. Juggling of the worst kind. I am so sad that I have these feelings, but he does not. I am sad to even talk about it. For some reason, I just feel like I have more room. Last weekend, I saw a newborn in Walmart. She was crying, and I knew it was a hungry cry. I said, outloud to myself, "What a hungry girl." And her mom said, "yes, she is." My arms ached.

Maybe I am doing too much liquid hormone drops. Who the heck knows. There is just so much love here. A few days ago, the caseworker was here and she told me they had three newborns in the past week. She "almost" called us with an 8 day old baby. She knows that we are a mixed- feeling household and she didn't. Again. I ache.

I try to tell myself that I will have grandchildren in about ten years (I hope, for my children's sake). It doesn't help. I am only thirty five. I can still be a mom to a little one. One foster mother turned adopted mother of 11 (ELEVEN) children told me to "pray". Pray for a baby. I would feel so wrong doing that to Dave. So I don't pray. I don't talk to God about it. I can't. What if he told me no? What if I didn't like His answer?

Sometimes, I daydream that the caseworker calls on a Friday night. "Mel..." she says. "I have a new baby -just for a couple of days..." Dave would look at me and shake his head no. No questions asked. I would be angry.

So, maybe it is a good thing that they don't call.

But-

I see how my girls have grown from love and stability in the past nine months. Right now, I am in tears, seeing how much I can offer. I have saw so much badness out there. I just know that I can make a difference. I just don't seem to know my limits.

Bird, Bird, Bird is the word.

One Sunday morning, a few weeks ago, the whole house was quiet.

Eli was at a sleepover. Annie was at a sleepover. Michelle was asleep. Dave was in bed (he had just had surgery).

Emma, Tripp and I were playing. Well, not really. I was cleaning and they were goofing off.

Like this.

See my big purse covering half of Tripp's body? That is a whole

'nother post in itself.

Emma the super model.

(I did not take these pictures. They took them of each other)

Sorry, I got off topic. Anyways, the little kids were goofing off, I was cleaning and all of a sudden I heard Emma squeal, "MOMMA~ A BIRD!!!!"

And so I said, "Yes, Emma. Pretty birds outside, cause it is gonna be like 60 degrees today."

And Tripp screamed, "BIRD~!"

"Let's shoot him!"

And Emma yelled, "BIRD IN THE HOUSE!"

So I wondered, "How could there be a bird in the house?" And then I thought, "Maybe a tiny bird in the house?"

I ran into the kitchen, peeped out the new opening where the kitchen window had been, and this is what I saw.

A BIG BLACK BIRD.

Like one outta the horror movies.

Big Black Bird was so scared that he was panting. He would try to get out, he would hit the wall, I would scream, the kids would scream. We all screamed.

He would fly back to his "perch" and pant some more.

We screamed some more.

I don't have any more pictures of how we freed Bird because
1. I was on the phone with my mother in law who ended up solving my dilemma
and
2. I can't concentrate on talking on the phone, scream, and take pictures at the same time.

After she encouraged Emma and Tripp to chase the bird while FLAPPING THEIR ARMS and screaming, she told me to go open the door.

Oh.

So I did.

Then, I out the door and opened the other side door, giving Big Black Bird two exits.

Finally, BBB missed the wall and flew out the door.


But he left us with a gift.

The flu and snow.

It has been a strange week. On Saturday, Eli was coughing and he complained minimally. Then, on Sunday night, Michelle started talking of a headache. Soon after, she was in tears. They both missed school on Monday. After a five p.m. doctors appointment, they were diagnosed with type A FLU.

So, today is Wednesday and we got out of school early because of the incoming snow. Horray for snow! I get to stay home tomorrow and get caught up on some housework/homework.

The kids are better. Everyone in the house is on Tamiflu. Next up is preparations for a sweet 16 party on Saturday night. Michelle and I picked up her dress late this afternoon. We will get Eli's outfit tomorrow.

Quite Possibly, The Longest Week EVER.

What a long week! I was so busy, I don't remember where I was a couple of times.

The house construction is closing up today. Steve, our building guy and friend, has blown us away this past week and turned my carport into a super room. Just last night, the best electrician EVER stayed until 11 pm and installed all my lighting. And I am so happy to report that it all matches! So, this week, the room was sheet rocked in, putty stuff was put on, sanded, painted, new floors were put down, and pretty lights were put up. After today, all we will be waiting for is furniture.

I took progress pictures every day. I can't wait to show them.

School was finally a full week. So following school, I had my first faculty meeting. I also had meetings for the girls. Then Dave and I had a 2 1/2 hour adoption counseling session. That was awesome. *(sarcasm)* Most nights, we were not home until late - 7 p.m. or after. Combine that with a house that is a construction disaster.... :)

Today, Annie is getting a dog. She is so happy. His name is Peyton. That makes me happy.

Sickness has also been in the house this week. Mallie has had the flu. Emma has a sinus/ear infection. Eli has some sort of upper respiratory crud. Dave is recovering from his shoulder surgery (awesomely, might I add).

I thought we were supposed to get some snow. We probably will not get any more just because I want some time in the house with the kids.

Today - clean, clean, clean. Dog to the vet for shots. Another Prom dress shopping trip in the P.M. and a Tennessee Tech basketball game.