Thankful.

The beginning of a new work week.
The beginning of a new semester.

I am thankful for:
1. God's faithfulness in answering prayers.
2. The ability to pray.
3. Grace and Mercy.
4. My husband and his dedication to our family.
5. My son Eli and his wit and charm.
6. My daughter Emma and her desire to do her best in everything.
7. My son Tripp and his toughness and his eyelashes.
8. My neice Mallie and her desire to color and make letters perfect.
9. The health of my children, my home, my ability to go to school.
10. Liquid Hormones and the pharmacists at Walgreens who provide me with said hormones.
11. Chocolate chip cookies and brownies that accompany liquid hormones when they fall a wee bit short of their goal.
12. Coffee from McDonalds that arrives by one messenger or another by 8:30 every morning.
13. My screaming five year old daughter. She is able to scream to that means her throat is not that sore.
14. My neice Mallie who just commented, "Her face is RED!"
15. Tripp's desire to stick his tongue out at his sister when she is screaming, and Emma's comment: "Everytime he makes me cry, he just feels good about it."

Oh, at the store the other day, Emma told me and my sister Melissa, "This store inflames me."

What a life.

Friday, YEAH!

It has been a long week. This was my last week of freedom, and I have tried to ignore the fact that I start school on Monday. Waaa!

I have been sick with a mystery virus that I received as a gift from my sweet neice. I am congested, hot, cold and miserable. Very yucky. At one point, I coulda sworn yesterday that this MUST be what the swine flu feels like.

I would like to go home early today. I am finished with my stuff.

We have no plans for the weekend and it feels great.
Cause on Monday, all hell is going to break loose.

The Kissing Hand.

The Kissing Hand is a wonderful book... I bought this book, as well as the follow-up, a few years ago when I put my little kids in a Mother's Day Out program. The story is about a baby racoon that is afraid to go to school, so the momma racoon kisses the baby's palm. Thru the day, when the baby is scared, the mother's love is felt thru the kiss on the palm.
Emma's new K teacher has made this story the theme of the beginning of the school year. On the first day, Emma brought home a paper with a hand and a heart in the middle. She was so excited that she knew the story, so she went and dug out The Kissing Hand to take it to school and show her copy to her teacher.

This morning, she went and found the second book, called "A Pocket Full of Kisses," on the bookshelf. (This book touches on sibling rivalry and how mommies have enough love for all the babies in the family - Great Book!)

This morning, I walked Emma into class. She took out her books and stood over in the corner, putting her backpack away. There were lots of kids already in the class.

I leaned down to kiss her, but she pulled away from me, so I just gave her a hug. Then, she looked up at me and stuck her palm up. So, I leaned down and gave her a kissing hand, told her I loved her, and to have a great day.

As I went to the door to leave, I turned back to look at her. She was looking around the room - not at me- checking to see if anyone was looking. She took her hand and rubbed her kissing hand to her face.

Facebook for Kids.

I think I have mentioned before, Emma has a Facebook/Farkle addiction.

She constantly asks for a Facebook Account. Um, no? How 'bout NO!

This is a constant conversation that we have.

So, yesterday, I was cleaning out the fridge, which is a miracle in itself, and Emma was in the next room playing Farkle. Now, keep in mind that she is 5 and is in Kindergarten. She has learned how to play Farkle Pro. The Pro game is where you play against someone random on Facebook.
It could be anyone.
Out to the side of the actual game is a comment bar, where you can chat to your competitor.

If you are playing Farkle, who has time to comment, right? WRONG.

So, as I was saying, I was cleaning, she was playing, Tripp was sleeping. I heard her say " MOM, the person I am playing said a bad word to me." So, I go to the next room to see what is going on, and she says, "I told them I was five, and they said a bad word." The first thing in my mind is child molestation. Now, Emma can read, and she can type (to some extent). This is what the comment section looked like.

Other Player: you are good.
Emma: I am 5
Other Player: CRAP
Other Player: You are good for a 5 year old

I immediately turned the game off and did not let her finish. It was a man. Technically, he did nothing wrong, except said CRAP to a five year old. This conversation could have went any direction at this point.

I was sick. I then received the BAD MOMMY OF THE YEAR Award.

It never occurred to me that my daughter would talk on the comment section, she would tell them she was five, or that she would be playing farkle with a big hairy fat old man who could possibly be a child molester.

I cringe.

Anyways, My lesson is learned. I just got busy, and even though I was in the next room, and had only been for a couple of minutes, I need to find something else to occupy Emma besides the Internet. I let my guard down. I want to disconnect.

Mommy Guilt.

Mothers feel guilty for everything.

Its True!

I have asked around, and it seems as though it is not just me.

I am guilty for the following:
1. I let the kids stay up too late.
2. The toilets where they pee are not clean enough.
3. The clothes they wear are not folded to perfection in their dresser drawers.
4. I don't have fresh baked cookies every day.
5. I play on the internet.
6. Lunchboxes don't match backpacks.
7. Sometimes I yell.
8. I am not skinny.
9. I need to play barbies.
10. I need to play matchbox cars.

See what I mean? Mother guilt sucks.

Imagine my self destruction that started last night when we found a song on the Taylor Swift CD called "The Best Day" - My little kids proclaim that every day is "The Best Day of MY LIFE" everytime they get a happy meal, I bake brownies, I give extra kisses, or a double episode of Spongebob comes on.

Here is the lyrics to the song. I encourage you to google it, watch the video on CMT, listen to the song.

I’m 5 years old
It’s getting cold out
Got my big coat on
I hear your laugh
And look up at smilin at you
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home
I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall oh oh
But I know you’re not scared of anything at all oh oh
Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I’m 13 now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight
And grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop til I forgotten
All their names

I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school uh uh
But I know I’m laughin in the car ride home with you uh uh
Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay
but I know I had the best day
With you, today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he’s better than nothin

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had .. The Best Days with you

There is a video I found
From back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you’re talkin’ to me
It’s the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
My Daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why the all the trees change in the fall oh oh
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m takin’ this chance to say
I had the best day
With you, today


It makes my insides turn inside out, I have to vomit, I spontaneously cry and convulse. I am so stupid that I downloaded it and have listened to it ALL DAY. I want to go get my babies from those schools and go play barbies and cars, bake brownies and lock myself in the house for a week.

Confession Tuesday.

Drumroll, please.........

1. I am happy school is back in session. Tomorrow, everyone will be in school. I will be responsible for getting four kids to school and be at work by 7:30 a.m Five.days.a. week.

2. Some days, I feel so happy. Some days, I feel overwhelmed. I am terrified that every move I make is ruining my children's lives. Work. School. Can I do it all?

3. I miss having a mother. I am jealous of those who have mother's that help them.

4. I am sick of saying #3.

5. I wish my kids would be ages 1 and ages 3 again. or 0 and 2. or newborn.

6. I miss being at the Y in the mornings and working out. But, I don't miss the mommy drama.

7. I like my quiet time at work.

8. I need to go grocery shopping. We are almost out of red juice.

9. I miss spending time with Dave and not having stress in my head.

10. I am mad at the economy. But thankful for lack of car payments. Even though I want a new(er) van. I am scared that I am going to start these classes at Tech, my van is going to tear up, and I will have no way to get to class.

Saturday scene.

Today, we are going with Eli on a Beta Club trip to see Hairspray- The Musical .

He is not so happy. He has asked me several times if "he really has to go." I told him yes, he does. We are all going.

I got up early this morning and went to some yard sales with my sister in law.

I was back by 9:30 and I was about 25 dollars in the hole. But, I got some good stuff.

Sad, sappy stories.

After re-reading what I have written this week, you would think I was depressed or something.

(This is my last school post - I promise) :)

On my favorite internet site - FACEBOOK - I have been reading similar sad stories from all the mom's that I know.
While walking Emma into school this morning, the look of longing was on mother's faces all thru the hallways.

Some looked sad that summer was over.

In the kindergarten hallway, most mothers had a look of disbelief that their babies were actually five. And in school.

I guess I don't feel so bad, since it seems to be the cool thing to do, being sad that babies actually grow up.

Talk to me next year when I have one starting his Freshman year of high school, one in first grade, and the last one in kindergarten.

See how pathetic I am then.

Happy and sad.

I don't handle change well. At all.



Today, I took Tripp to school. Eli went to school. That just left me with Emma - for now.



Today, she asked me for cuddle time. We cuddled. I brushed her hair back from her face. I look at how the shape of her face is changing, her hair is growing, her arms and legs are getting longer, more rounded like a big girl. Her attitude is moving toward that of a big girl. She thinks about things. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This morning, as I went to wake Tripp up for school, I lay in his bed with him. I noticed that his fingers have lost their chubby-ness, his face is thinner. I whispered to him to wake him up. I told him that it was his first school day. He was a big boy. And we said a school day prayer. Without opening his eyes, he turned over and wrapped his little arms around my neck. I kissed his soft cheeks and I thought about the first time I held him, of the many hours that I spent rocking him. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This week, Eli started 8th grade. As I dropped him off at the front door, I thought about his first day of kindergarten - about how I walked him in, hugged him and kissed his little cheeks (always both sides) before I left. I remember what he wore that day. I watched him walk in to the middle school, his last year there. He carried his football equipment, his new black backpack, and a sense of confidence. He walked with his shoulders back, with a happy stride. I was sad - but really, really proud of this boy who is growing up.

My last day.

Today is the last day that I have with my small kids.
Tomorrow, Tripp goes to Pre-K.
Then, the following day, Emma starts her real kindergarden year.

All week, these kids have been at work with me. Grandma is out of town, David is working.

I listen to them playing. Right now, they are playing a game where Tripp is going to his girlfriend's house and Emma is going to pick him up after she texts him. They have "cellphones" and are taking pictures of each other. Wouldn't it be nice to be so carefree?

Starting tomorrow, they are going to make new friends. They are going to have new adventures. They will have new stories to tell. Their days will not be with each other anymore. I know they were separated last year, but that was by choice. I can't help but feel a little sad at the fact that they are growing up so quickly.

Instead of working, I would like to go home and lay in the floor, and play matchbox cars and barbies and eat happy meals. I think I might cry later. Or now.

8th grade.

Today, I took Eli and I dropped him off for 8th grade.



He had his backpack, and his football bag with all his stuff in it.



He wore plaid shorts and a blue tshirt and black socks and Nike shoes.



I am really enjoying this kid. He is so funny, so witty. I love his personality, I love how he loves people and how affectionate he is. He likes to laugh, to tell jokes, to be lazy - all at the same time.

I asked him if he was a happy teenager. He said yes, except that Emma and Tripp bug him.

I can't wait to see what he does with his life.

School Registration.

Yesterday, I took all the kids and registered them for school. I observed some things:

1. This is Eli's last year at the middle school. We had to go to the end table reserved for 8th graders. Whhhaa! Next year, we will be at the high school.

2. Emma is re-doing kindergarten. She isn't extremely happy about it, but last night, at the parent teacher meeting, she walked around like she owned the place. And she got a great teacher who is super structured. And I knew the majority of parents in the room. Maybe this means Emma won't learn this year that some kids' parents are in jail and they have to live with grandparents?

3. Tripp is going off to Pre-K. As I looked around his nice, fresh classroom, I was thankful for the upgrades in technology. But, as I observed the parents in his room, he will learn more about jail time and drug use. *Tripp was apprehensive going in - he actually cried that morning. But, once we got there and he saw the computers, he was ready to stay.

4. I am apprehensive for ALL of my children. I always get nervous at the beginning of a schoolyear. What if they don't get along with their teacher? What if kids are mean to them? What if they struggle with work? Then, I remember, If I am scared for them, will they be scared? They seem fine.

5. I start a new school on August 29. I am scared for myself. My fees for college have doubled. That is scary in itself. And, I am going to have to hang out with big kids.

Random Ranting and Crazy Thoughts.

1. I can't believe how mean people are. They are evil spirited. I have saw it in all forms this week. I am sick of it. So I locked myself in at work. If you want me, ring the bell.

2. Mean people call on the phone. I am going to let the machine get it. If you want to talk to me bad enough, then call me back.

3. Eli likes egg salad sandwiches. I am so totally suprised.

4. Tripp is on a biting spree. He bit Eli. He bit Emma. He thinks he is a vampire.

5. Dave is overwhelmed. This is a little shocking to me. It is strange to see him frazzled.

6. Emma is a Farkle posessed five year old. Last night, I turned her on to playing Farkle Pro. She literally yells at the computer screen. While she is playing, she makes comments to the computer (in a growl-y voice) like "Do you know you are playing a little girl?" and when the person she is playing Farkles, she says, "Hahaaa! Take that!!" Agression, much?

7. I finished school on Monday. At this point, I have a 94. My class was Geometry for Teachers. It should be my last math class. Unless the teaching god's decide I need one more.

8. I have got to clean my house. Dave signed us up to host a devotional for teens at the house on Sunday evening. Who knew that it was going to flood, I would be knee deep in musty odors, and have dirty carpet? Gotta get it clean before the people come over.

Out for blood.

Last night, Tripp, Emma and Mallie were playing in the bathroom.
Emma did not want Tripp around.

So, she kicked him in the stomach. He, in turn, bit her on the chest when she tried to hug him and tell him she was sorry.

Screaming like there was something really happening was what I heard first. It took me close to 30 minutes to figure out the story. They were telling it at the same time, while Mallie stood back looking pleased that she kept out of the fight. After all the tears were dried and everyone got an icepack for their injury, I showed Tripp what her bite mark looked like.

Today, when I came home from work, I looked at Emma's purple and green mouthprint Tripp had left on her chest.
I made Emma show it to Tripp. I told him that this is what happens when you bite. It hurts friends.

He told me, "Thats because I am a vampire. I told you I am a vampire."

A few minutes later, she took a toy from him. As I sat and listened to them playing, I heard him say to her, "Do you want me to bite you again?"

Happy August!

Its August 1st!!!

You know what that means? My electric bill is due. Nah, it means the kids go back to school!!! I made it thru a summer. Woo Hoo!

School registration is next week. I can't wait. It means I get to get back in a routine. And not feel guilty for working while my kids are at home.

I have a final on monday... then I am outta school till August 29th. Then, I start my 16 hour semester. Maybe I can graduate college sometime in the next few years.