End of 2012.

Well, the year 2012 has come and gone quickly. What a busy year! We had a fabulous Christmas. Santa was good to us... and I mean me too! I got tickets to Maroon 5 - it is driving my family crazy! I am on a huge Adam Levine kick and I play his music all the time. It has been nice to be on Christmas break with my kids, as well. This time has flown by. We have shopped, baked cookies, watched tv and hung out with Dave at the store. He is usually off the week of Christmas, but this year has been his busiest by far, so he has worked some this week and all of last. Tomorrow, we are off to the Smokies for our annual trip. We all go every year to look at the lights and have some good family time. This year, we will be gone for four days. When we get back, it is back to work the next day. I love teaching first grade. Those little babies are so sweet. I love singing songs and reading stories and listening to their tales in the classroom - both during lessons and after and before and anytime they can talk. And boy, do they. I have a talkative class. We have started going to a new church. It is called "The Bridge". It is not a COC. And I am just fine with that. I have learned lots about God's love for me even though I have a past and I learn something new everytime I meet or see fellow members. I have learned about transparency and it is OK to be who I am, and with God's help, I will learn and grow. I have a peace like I have never known. The group of people that we worship with love us for us, and they understand that we are all the same - just a group who are trying to achieve a common goal. I look forward for what is in store for 2013.

I am back.

So, I see that I have been gone for six months or so... I guess I have been busy. What a year! Let's Update! I switched to teaching first grade this past summer. So, I spent the summer working in a new classroom - painting, moving shelves, desks, and all of my teacher stuff. I also went to the pool ALOT with the kids. We spent a week in the mountains and went tubing down the river during a two month drought. We all made a note not to do that again. School started the first of August with Eli going into his 11th grade year, Emma into 3rd grade and Tripp into 1st. I love my job. Dave and I went to Jamaica ALONE for six whole days in October. It was gloriously fabulous. In Novmeber, we celebrated my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. The party was huge and was a great success. We ate (wonderful catered food!), danced (to live music!) and sang. Their friends came from all over the US. It was a wonderful weekend. So here we are - December. Dave turned 39 last week. We have five days of school until Christmas break. Now... let's have some snow!

Thirty Seven.

As we all know, I have a problem with aging. I am *sort-of* SAD to say that today I am thirty seven years old. What the ? How did it happen? Because I am no longer in my middle thirties, other things are happening. They are, in no particular order - 1. Eli is sixteen. 2. Emma is almost nine. 3. Tripp will be seven next week. 4. Dave's hip and jaw pop. 5. I wobble when I first walk in the morning. 6. It is harder to get out of the floor. 7. I fall asleep as soon as I sit still. Positive things are happening too - 1. I am comfortable with who I am. 2. I sometimes feel like an adult. 3. I am one step closer to being financially independant. :) 4. I got to spend one more year watching my kids grow. 5. I got to spend one more year married to the love of my life.

End Of The Year.

Well, I guess I completely missed the month of April. Between TCAP tests, school, stress and other things, I chose not to blog. But today, well I decided that I was ready and I had time and all of that stuff. I was home today because Tripp has the flu. Yes, you read me right. He has the Type A Flu. In May. Who gets the flu in May? Lots of people apparently. We are several months behind on the outbreak. Now it will spread through my house. We only have eight days of school left. We are all trying to finish grades, reports, files... there are so many things that a teacher does to close out the year. People, appreciate the teachers. I had no idea. Prom is this weekend. Eli picked up his tux today and I got a preview. He sure is handsome. I can't wait to see him and his "friend" dressed up. She is a pretty girl and they are a pretty couple. I can't believe my baby is old enough to go to the prom. It makes me sick. Eli brought home his schedule for next year. Along with college classes, he is taking Honors Chemistry II, Calculus, Honors English 11, and Anatomy and Physiology. And playing football and soccer. How is that for a full load? I am hoping to get back in the swing of this blogging thing. I know I am going to be sad when I look back and have no stories to help my old brain remember. :)

Back at IT.

Tomorrow, we head back to school for the last nine weeks. Horray! We are thisclose to being finished with the year.

This past week, I watched TV and had sleepovers with my nephew who has NEVER slept over before. We went to a basketball game. We cleaned house, did laundry, did laundry and then we did more laundry. Last night, Eli had his long awaited birthday party (really just a get-together) with his big friends. It was the most boring get together in history. But they had a good time. Seven guys spent the night. All the girls were gone by 9 p.m.

I also got the bathroom painted. This was a biggie on my list.

Now, soccer season starts in full. Eli's first "official" game is tomorrow. Emma and Tripp start practice this week and their first game is March 31.

This week, I also will celebrate another year of wedded bliss with my sweet husband.
I love you, Super Dave.

Spring Break 2012.

What a lazy Spring Break. Today is Day 4. I have yet to do laundry, clean the house or get my toes done. I guess I am really unmotivated.

On Sunday, we took the kids to see Chuck E. Cheese. Then we went to a mall and it was so terrible that we left. Target was not much fun. Then we came home.

I am not sure why I have no desire to clean the house. I wish it would hit me. I just know that it will get messed up again.

After the spring break hump, we will only have nine weeks of school left. Horray! Then, it is summertime!

Sad Faces :(

We were pleasently surprised when we were dismissed early from school on Wednesday and given Thursday and Friday off because of sickness. This was so nice, as it gave me extra time to plan for Eli's Friday night birthday party.

Um, yeah.

So, due to the weather - namely, tornadoes - there will not be a sweet 16 party tonight. (Insert lots of sad faces here)

We were expecting lots and lots of teenagers to come out and party tonight. Instead, poor Eli is sending texts and making Facebook posts, telling of the severe weather cancellation.

I feel terrible for my boy. What a birthday! We had the option to continue on with the party. But I thought that I would feel horrible if

1. something happened during the party (a tornado!)
2. no one showed up due to the threat of storms

So, tonight, we will be hunkered down in Grandma's basement. I will not be in my mini-basement because it is stinky down there and there is no electricity and there is no where to sit. Just boxes and boxes of stuff.

So, I guess I will now wish for all of my friends and my family to have a safe, healthy Friday night.

I am so very, very thankful for my Eli. Happy 16th Birthday!

February is Gone?

Well, this month has passed by quickly. I didn't blog as much as I wanted. I am just busy.

We are in school, running wide open. Due to a lack of snow, we have not had any more snow days off. Lord, don't we need a break. I try to do housework on the weekends, but it is basketball season. So we have games on Saturday. And yesterday, along with that, was the father-daughter dance. Dave and Emma had a great time. I got to have a good date with Tripp, as well.

Eli's birthday is Tuesday. He will be sixteen. It is hard to believe I have been a mom for 16 years. Since he does not have his permit, he will not be getting a license any time soon. We are going to throw together a sleepover for him next weekend.

Valentines Weekend.

I was gloriously suprised when Dave held his cell phone out to me late Friday night. When I looked, I didn't get it. Then I saw that he had reserved us a hotel room for Saturday night in Nashville. I was so happy.

Since it snowed, basketball for Saturday was cancelled, and so we were able to head out early. My brother took Eli and Tripp. Grandma took Emma. And we were off to a hotel. After a stop to Target, we were on our way. We were there by 3 p.m. and napped until 6:30. We are exciting, I know. :) Then, we roamed downtown and had a tasty dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

I completely enjoyed the adult conversation and hanging out with my favorite person. Thanks, Dave :)

boys.

My boy walks down the stairs, crying. I look up at him and I see his lips, pooched out at me, getting ready to tell me something that is so very important. He has big, sloppy tears that are running down his cheeks and clinging to his long curly eyelashes. As I look at him, I see a size five toddler body and a going on seven attitude. He is wearing his pajamas, the same pair he has worn for the past two years. He calls them "blue jeans". In fact, they are Spiderman boxer shorts. I would never tell him any different.

I go to him, pick him up, and cuddle him in my arms. He is unable to fall alseep, he says, and Emma will not talk to him anymore. Can he have a drink? Can he lay with me? It is a school night, I tell him. He needs his rest. So I hug and kiss him, and take this moment to go back up the stairs, just one more time, and tuck him in tightly. This, I tell him, is what he needs just to sleep right. The one thing that is forgotten is Tad, his frog that he has had since he was a small boy. That will do the trick. So we find Tad, and I hug and kiss them both. And my boy drifts off to sleep.

Not so long ago, my other boy was always looking for a reason to stay awake. Ninjas would fly to his window. He couldn't find the stuffed bear he called his "sleeping partner". Now, this boy has scraggly hairs that are popping out on his face. He has the body of a young man. But sometimes, he will still come down the stairs after he has said his final good night, and he will wrap his big, long arms around my neck, and he will kiss me just one more time. And sometimes, I will go up to his room, and I will sit on the edge of the bed as he sleeps and I will listen to him breathe. If I close my eyes tightly, I still see the little blonde haired boy with a huge smile that was waiting for ninjas, looking for the lost bear, and trying to find any excuse that he could to cuddle in between his dad and myself.

Time is so short. And this time has went by so fast.

what you see on a sunday evening in the e.r.

Women in cat print jackets.

Pajamas.

State troopers.

Smokers on IV poles.

Vomit (from me)

Belly flaps hanging over pants. (Not from me)

People saying the word "youns"

Teenagers with backaches.

Medicaid people with Iphones talking about their next batch of food stamps.

Flip flops.

A guy with a feeding bag smoking at the curb in a short sleeve shirt.

Snow... Um, no.

How I wish we could have a few snow days. As of right now, we still have eleven in the bank. The way it looks, they are going to go to waste. I was patiently waiting for time off. But instead, I am getting spring in the winter. My Easter flowers are up!


We are all so busy, busy. Basketball season has started. Both Tripp and Emma are playing, with practice two nights a week and games on Saturday. Eli is in soccer season, with games starting on March 3rd.


I am in a rush to get my school babies to learn. I have learned that repetition is the key. I made a "What We Have Learned" board and we constantly review during transition times. I am happy to say we have now got Nouns, Verbs, Helping Verbs and Adjectives down! Next, I am going to tackle Foldables. I did a workshop on them with this lady, they are pretty neat.


Speaking of school, I filled out my FASFA a while ago. I have decided that I am ready for graduate school. I am going to get my masters in Special Education. I will probably start in the fall. I would like to have the summer off, since I worked last summer and then went straight to decorating a classroom.

So, I guess that is my weekly update.

Anxious.

About three years ago, I started feeling anxious. It began one night, as I lay suggled up and cozy in the bed, and someone beat on the door. I woke up in a panic, thinking that they were "coming to get the kids". And from then on, I had irrational thoughts.

What if the kids wake up in the middle of the night, fall down the stairs, and break their necks and die?

What if they die in a car wreck?

What if they choke at dinner and I can't save them?

What if I die? Who will raise my kids and fix Emma's hair? Will there be a flower for me in a chair at her wedding?

My irrational thoughts had no rhyme or reason. And they got more stupider than that, I will tell ya.

I never shared with anybody that I was feeling anxious about this kind of stuff. I live in a "suck it up" kind of family, so there is really no sympathy. Then one day, I was talking to another mother, and she told me SHE has the same kinds of anxieties and worries. I didn't feel quite so alone. And so I just moved on.

Adding up all the stresses of the past couple of years (a bad job with an angry co-worker, the girls, the girls leaving, extended family issues, school, finances...) well, my anxiety got worse. Then, not only did I have irrational thoughts, I had anxiety to go with it.

Holy Crap.

Now that everything seems to have slowed down (graduated school, got a job, only three kids who are somewhat behaved) I started trying to pinpoint what causes my anxiety and irrational thoughts.

Because writing is a great form of therapy, and I have heard from others that they have these same issues, I am going to label (for myself) what some of my triggers are.

1. I like to think I am doing a better job than my mother. In case you haven't noticed, my mother sucked and still does. I have a hard time telling myself that I need "me" time because my mother said that I didn't, and if I took it, I was selfish. So I constantly beat my mothering abilities up - to a pulp.

2. Not completing housework - having a dirty house. Because I was a stay at home mom for nine years, I completed chores on certain days. Now, chores don't get finished until Saturday. or Sunday. And as fast as I can clean or put clothes away, it piles back up. And my family is not the best at picking up after themselves. So I always feel like I am drowning in housework, laundry and groceries.

3. Not completing tasks. I never get finished. And I like for things to be complete.

Just so you know, my house is not a disaster. I just hate clutter of any kind. I believe that everything should have a place. I like clean kids. So my kids have to bathe every day.

So I have found if I break it down - work on one room at a time, one step at a time, it helps. I am trying to figure out how these kids will help. I have tried chore charts. Didn't work. Not a biggie. And I really didn't follow through. Because it added to my "list" of things to keep up with. And sometimes it is easier to do it yourself than to ask for help.

Weekly Review.

As you can see here, Tripp is reading! I asked his teacher for extra material, and she gave me two 1st grade books. When he finishes them, I promised a trip to Chuck E. Cheese! He has made it through book #1 in less than a week. I am looking toward seeing the mouse next weekend.

Eli. Eli is dating. He has a girlfriend. She is sweet and oh, so pretty. They went out on a date! Since he doesn't drive, she picked him up. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I tried not to think about it.

Emma is all over the place. There is lots of girl drama. She is loads of fun, and she surely has her own opinion.

We had our first snow day last week. I was excited, but it would have been much better had we been in school for a few previous days. I did nothing, just sat around in the jammies. Dave said I looked like a bag lady :)

On Friday, I got tubes put in my ears. That is right, tubes, like tubes that little kids get. And I will tell you that they do this in the office for adults. With no medication. And it hurt alot. When the first one went in, I was a little sweaty. I compared it to sticking a q-tip to far into your ear for about 2 hours. :) As soon as the first one was finished, I heard the wheels on the chair squeak. I guess I really do have a hearing loss- not just selective hearing. :)

Here is to a busy week. Report cards go out on Wednesday. So I have lots to do on tomorrow and on Tuesday.

A New Year.

2012.

Time is flying by. This is my fourth year blogging. I love looking back, seeing how the kids have grown, how I have progressed.

There are lots I hope to accomplish in the future. Some of those things include:

• Work on myself - I want to exercise more. I am pretty comfortable in my skin. But I need the emotional benefits of exercise. And the time by myself is pretty nice, too. I also want to (and need to) figure out some things that I am still working on from 2011. I hate to bring it in to the new year, but alot of it is still on my head. And since I am working on myself, it will be part of my personal work.



• Making time for myself. I always thought that if I took time here and there for ME, then I was not a good mother. And I have figured out that an hour here and there makes me even better.



• Read more to my kids. I am so tired in the evenings, all the time, really, that I don't read alot out loud. Face it, when you talk to kids all day, the last thing you want to do at home is read to your children.



• Be a better wife. I hope that I become more organized and better at this working full time/cleaning the house/cooking dinner thing. I am just not that good at planning meals and balancing everything. Dinner is important to Dave. I am not that impressed with it. Also, he likes to watch that goofy moonshine making show and ice road truckers. Maybe I can stay awake to watch it with him.

These things, by no means, are Resolutions. These are things just for me that I hope to improve on. Here we go.