Healing.

Since the girls left almost two months ago, we have all went through a range of emotions. The first few weeks were the hardest for me. I seemed to be semi-ok in the mornings. Then, I was off to school, so I did not think about it, and there was little chance of someone asking me. My hardest time was in the afternoons when I came home - the was noone calling, "Ms. Mell!" and grabbing me. There was no Spanish music or cackling laughter. Now that time has passed, and shock has worn off, I have become angry. I am mad. And that is OK. I know that I am healing.

Eli was angry, hurt and confused all at the same time. But he is able to voice his feelings and deal with them. So that helps him heal.

But the worst? Emma and Tripp. They don't know how to feel. Or what to do. So their healing is different.

Emma and Tripp are still having a hard time. In the mix of the drama, it seems that not one person outside of the situation ever thought about how a five year old boy and a seven year old girl would feel to losing their sisters - sisters that had been a part of their lives for about three years - and lived with them for eleven months. Not one person ever thought that maybe Emma and Tripp would have to heal from this.

So while everyone sits and focuses on the healing of two girls that we took in as our own, that we loved and cared for and accepted, who chose to opt out of being in our family, and caused so much pain with that decision, they forget about the completely innocent kids left behind. It makes me angry that I am left to try to find the right answers. I don't have the answers.

And Now I Am Up.

Tripp is having leg/foot aches. He got up about thirty minutes ago, crying. Since he is kid number three, I know these are growing pains. I gave him some Tylenol. But now, momma can't sleep. Thoughts are racing.

I am going to have a yard sale this weekend. I am not really looking forward to it. I have bunches of clothes to get out of the house. But I am not liking the work involved. Also, my house is a mess in general. I did not do any housework this weekend. So it is a disaster. I was going to clean today while the kiddies were in school but I got a call right before seven a.m. to sub for sixth grade. I went for the extra money. So I am going to clean soon. And price some clothes and junk to get it out of here.

I have saw a few spiders lurking around. I just saw a bug in the bathroom. Now I am thinking about having the house sprayed. I will call someone in the morning. The poor bug probably just came in when we left the door open. Now it has to die. :) That sounds kinda morbid.

So, I am going to graduate school. I need to go to Tech and turn my application in. I think I might start in the fall. I am still trying to figure it out. MY head says wait till spring. Take a break. But that will waste six months time. Yuck. Not a big deal, I think that a Masters program will not be as back breaking as undergraduate. I will not have to name any rocks. But I wonder if I will have to take Statistics. I heard that sucks.

My exercise is going good. I walked six miles with Eli on Saturday night. It was fun. I skipped Sunday and Monday. Tomorrow, it is back at it. I do about three miles per day. Because I get crazy with the scales, I don't weigh. But my clothes are becoming more loose. And I feel great.

We have two more days of school. I am excited. But I will be working on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

In less than six weeks, we will be at the beach. I can't wait.

Tripp is turning six in a couple of weeks. :-?

Randomness.

So, I have been subbing... I have been in 5th grade, 2nd grade, 1st grade, kindergarten, 4th grade. Not sure about 3rd.. Nope, no third. I have had the last two days off. It has been nice. Tomorrow - back to 1st grade.

I read this morning that I got the summer job that I applied for. It is Pre-K Disabilities extended school. It lasts three days a week for five hours a day. I am so excited. I want to plan. I am dreaming of centers, books, colors, stories. I am excited about teaching. I hope that it is a good experience for me.

Today I went shopping for supplies for my "real" classroom. I am sure that while I will only be in my summer class for fifteen hours a week, I will not have to decorate or do anything significant. I hope that I have a job in the near future because I bought some super cool border. And stickers. And glue. And lots of teacher things.

Yey! I am so excited!