Picture Update.

Since I don't post alot of pictures, I thought that I would try to show some highlights of the past couple of months.

Here is our new room. It is at a bad angle. I couldn't really see what I was uploading. But you get the most important part. Dave's feet as he quietly reads a newspaper. Alone.

Here is a picture of Eli, Emma and Tripper in the side yard from a couple of weeks ago.

Look how tall Eli is! 6'1 and still growing. Only 150 pounds. A beanpole. Emma at dance recital last weekend. I have some really good ones.

Emma and Mallie.

Emma was mad because her costume did not have any sparkles. She is a mini-Pam Sadler.

Mallie is going to be a big sister in November.

Another of the kids.

Emma's soccer team.

Check out her number. Both she and Tripp are #35.

Do you know why they chose that number?

For me. Because I am 35. Well, for another month or so.

Emma pointing as she kicks. I like this because it reminds me of Eli.

The girls again.

My anniversary flowers.

Our anniversary was March 22. He picked out Cala Lillies. I carried them when we got married.

My favorite flower bouquet he has ever sent me~!

All my favorite flowers - tulips, Gerber Daisies... Good Job!

Updates.

Boy, how sporadic am I? It is almost like I have things to do :) Well, we survived the aftermath of the girls leaving. While we sometimes still have heavy hearts, it is getting better. We are staying busy. There is lots of organization going on here. Emma and Tripp still ask for the girls, and they cry occasionally. But, they are alive and healthy, just down the road, and if I wanted to see them, it wouldn't be that hard. Right now, I am avoiding seeing them at all costs. I just can't do it - yet. Eli sees M daily at school. They don't talk. He is hurt. It is understandable. But we are moving along, developing our "new normal" and "taking our power back". I only have thirteen days of student teaching left. I love, love, love my kids in my class. I love 2nd grade. I appreciate the fact that they are still young enough to call their stomachs "tummies". It tickles me to no end. I have bonded with them. I know when they do their best - and when they don't. I will miss them terribly. But again, it is not like I have to go far. I told one boy just that today - I will be back ALL THE TIME. And I will. So my college graduation is in less than four weeks. It is kind of scary not knowing whats on the other side. I anticipate it. I have fantasized about this for years. At times, I thought it would never happen. That was usually when I found out about a new set of Praxis Tests. But, I passed them all, first time. Now, I am working up enough courage to take my MAT to get into grad school. Who woulda thunk it? Dave told me - discouraged me - from going so soon. Then, he told me that if I went, I could not say ONE WORD - Not ONE COMPLAINT - about homework. or school. or anything. Well, we all know how that goes. So I prolly won't go :)

Easier or harder?

Ok. Well today is day five.

While today was a super busy day (and it helps to stay busy) my business caused me to be confronted with questions. Yesterday, a well meaning friend of mine asked me for details. In a public place. And guess what happened?

I had to stop talking and leave. Then, a forty five minute meltdown happened. Too bad that I was half hour from the house, that I was at rehearsal for dance recital- I had to leave. Right Then.

Eventually, I calmed down. But it is when it is calm that the thoughts start. What did they do today? Is Annie getting her Vienna Sausages? Gogurt?

So yesterday, I ended up talking to the new mom. She had some questions for me. She was looking for some paperwork. It is the weirdest feeling in the world telling someone who is "mothering" the kids you have been "mothering" for the past year what kinds of foods they eat. Reminding them to check and see if they have toothbrushes (the girls toothbrushes were in the holder in their bathroom). I told her about report cards, school habits and other things such as when prescriptions have to be refilled. And while it hurt, maybe it helped a little because I felt like I was still taking care of them.

It seems that the hardest times are between 2 and 5 p.m. I think that once I get the house situated, that everyones' rooms are back in order, that we will be better. I feel like trying to erase memories.

I feel like deleting the DCS Caseworker from my FB friends list. When she posted about her "foster dog" and she was talking about our dog - well, that kinda done me in.

Tomorrow, I am going to plant shrubs at my house. I have no idea how to plant shrubs. I just went and bought some. Staying busy helps.