The Mommy Club. And what is important.

During all the years that I have been a mother, there has always seemed to be some sort of standards for mothers from those in particular groups that I have hung out with. For example, in the past five years, I have observed the importance of these things:

1. What does your husband do/how much money does he earn?
2. Where does your children go to school/what preschool are they going to attend?
3. What type of diaper bag do you carry?
4. What brand of dress is your daughter wearing?
5. Do you have cool sippy cup labels?
6. Whose child is the prettiest/best behaved/smartest?

Yes, the list goes on and on. It just changes with the age of the kid(s) in question.

Once I got "out of the loop" and became different than other "mommies in the club" by going to work and school, it seems that I have changed in caring of what the other mom's thought of me.

For example, when Emma was one (!) I was asked at a playgroup by a group of mothers "where I had her on the list for preschool." Well, I had no list. I didn't know about a list. How could I not know about a list?!?

See, such things were always important to me. I just recently (well, as recent as today, in fact) figured out that I have always based my capabilities of being a good mother on keeping up with or outdo-ing others.

That is not what makes a good mother at all.

A good mother is made up of time, hugs and kisses, playing, cuddling and listening. There are so many qualities that make up a good mother. But, the type of dress, type of minivan, and type of activities do not define a good mother. What a relief it is for me to have this realization.

How did I come to this conclusion, you ask?

Well, as Tripp turns four this Friday, I am preparing for his birthday party - but I just started today. This is foreign for me. I am always months ahead in planning, down to the theme-matching outfit, color coordinated goody bag contents, and the coordinated brother-sister outfits. Yet today, my dad had (yet another) heart procedure, summer school has just started, my house is a wreck and I work a full time job.

As I started with the goody bags, I had an epiphany.

Tripp doesn't care.

The only person that cares is me.

The kids - as well as the party-goers - will not remember anything about the decorations, whether Tripp's swimming trunks matched his cake, or whether the color of the cups matched the color of the potato chips.

They will remember having fun.

Tripp will remember playing, laughing, and being with family and friends on such an important day.

And that is the most important thing. This knowledge will help me be a better mother.

What I would want them to know.

I think I am going to start this new thing called "What I want them to know"

You know, that information that they should know - really useless information - in case something unfortunate happened and the mom was no longer, um, part of the worldly picture?

Well, this could be important.

1. I would want my children to know to always have a firm handshake. A firm handshake is important. Especially for my boys - I want them to know that they should shake a woman's hand firmly also. I HATE when a man shakes my hand with a limp wrist, like it is going to fall off. And then he holds my hand like he is going to kiss it. It makes me feel like he feels like I am inferior. And I really HATE that.

2. It is important for my boys to know to kiss their wives/veryimportantgirlfriends on the forehead. To me, this is a special thing. Dave has done this from Day 1. Not that it was special for him on day 1, but now it is a special thing he does. They see this. Tripp has kissed me on the forehead recently. My heart is full.

3. Look at people in the eyes when you are talking to them. Enough said, boys.

4. Use your manners. They can do so much. Please, Thank you, excuse me. You all can go far on manners.

That is good for now. I am going to throw some in when I think about it.