Seasons.

I am not a fan of change.

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I have a good friend that reminds me that when things change, it is just another "season."

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Today, as I was baking Emma's birthday cupcakes, I thought of all the different seasons that I have been thru in the past several years. With all the seasons, there are particular things in life that remind me of those times.

• When I think about being pregnant with Tripp, I think about picking Dave up at the airport. I always remember one maternity shirt in particular. It was a white button down top. 3/4 sleeves. Big collar. I wish I could wear it now.

• When I think about being pregnant with Emma, I get a lonely feeling and I think about laying on the couch - alot.

• When I think about Eli's birth, I think of the beach. I also get a pseudo-cramp in my left shoulder cause he wouldn't sleep unless he was laying on that arm.

• When I think of Dave, I think of men's cologne. Inappropriateness. Laughter. His fake voices. Holding hands. We still hold hands when we go to sleep.

• When I think about all my friends from the Y, I think about eating a hamburger from Sonic.

Anyways, you get the picture.

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So, the season I am faced with this week is that my daughter is going to be six years old. Sometimes it makes me sad she is growing up. When she was littler, she would always come downstairs in the middle of the night to potty. When she was age two, three or four, she would get me up to go to the bathroom with her. When she was done, she always sat on the stool and looked at me.

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I remember thinking at that time, when it made me so mad to have to wake up, "One day, she will not come get me. She will just go on her own." And then, I would not be mad anymore, because I know that the season would change. She would eventually go by herself.

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She does not come get me anymore.

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I wish I could go back to the days of seeing her little face, so tired, looking at me in the middle of the night. I wish I could go back to potty training, the days of doing nothing, watching Dora. I miss all my kids little bodies, their sweet breath, their kisses. I miss my double stroller. I miss walking around in the middle of the day, going from store to store, going to the park, playing, playing, playing.

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New things are going to happen this next year. A girl changes from age six to age seven. More indepth conversations will be had, tears will be shed, drama will unfold. She will get her feelings hurt. She will hurt others feelings. We will laugh, cry and go shopping. This will be a great season.

Rain, Rain.

I, like everyone else, feel like it has been raining FOREVER.

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Today is a great day. There is so much rain, I am staying in the house. I do have to go out eventually to pick up Emma's birthday cake. She is turning six (!) on Tuesday. I need to go to Sam's club. I am going to try to wait as long as possible to do that.

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Today I am cleaning the house, I need to study Geology. My life is such a whirlwind (or tornado, at times) that I am thankful to be able to stay at home, even for a few hours. Besides working all week, I have to find time to go with the kids and do "school stuff."

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I am off work next Friday so I can go with Emma to the Pumpkin Patch.

Fall break is right around the corner.

Emma's birthday party is tomorrow.

Breathtaking.

Sometimes, I love my children so much it takes my breath away.

I had to go to LMS to see Eli the other day. He came out of class and I watched him walk down the hallway toward me. My "almost" six feet tall Eli, blonde headed, blue eyed, long arms and legs, big wide smile. Dimple in one cheek. His swagger is that of a young man. He carries himself with confidence. He is pleasent. Sure of himself. No insecurities.

As I watched him walking toward me, I teared up. What I saw in my mind was my firstborn, two year old son with white-blonde hair, a tanned little body, so skinny, so smart, spelling words, telling me about the sun and the moon. Curling up in my lap, reading books with me at bedtime. Loving to be rocked to sleep. Never wanting to sleep alone. Asking for broccoli and rice for dinner, drinking chocolate milk. Never afraid of the water. Loving art projects. Always wanting to learn more useless information.

So, anyways, Eli walks up to me. We say hi, I talk to him for one minute, and off he goes, back to class. I think all day of how proud I am of him. I am so excited to see what he is going to do with his life. This kid has an awesome potential. He takes my breath away.