Happy and sad.

I don't handle change well. At all.



Today, I took Tripp to school. Eli went to school. That just left me with Emma - for now.



Today, she asked me for cuddle time. We cuddled. I brushed her hair back from her face. I look at how the shape of her face is changing, her hair is growing, her arms and legs are getting longer, more rounded like a big girl. Her attitude is moving toward that of a big girl. She thinks about things. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This morning, as I went to wake Tripp up for school, I lay in his bed with him. I noticed that his fingers have lost their chubby-ness, his face is thinner. I whispered to him to wake him up. I told him that it was his first school day. He was a big boy. And we said a school day prayer. Without opening his eyes, he turned over and wrapped his little arms around my neck. I kissed his soft cheeks and I thought about the first time I held him, of the many hours that I spent rocking him. I was sad, but happy - all at the same time.



This week, Eli started 8th grade. As I dropped him off at the front door, I thought about his first day of kindergarten - about how I walked him in, hugged him and kissed his little cheeks (always both sides) before I left. I remember what he wore that day. I watched him walk in to the middle school, his last year there. He carried his football equipment, his new black backpack, and a sense of confidence. He walked with his shoulders back, with a happy stride. I was sad - but really, really proud of this boy who is growing up.